Clever Girl
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: They always said Indominus was a clever girl. Strong, cunning, rapacious. But what if "she" never became the monster that we know today? A different telling of how the Indominus Rex came to be; a tale of encountering a very strange blond who refused to go home. Based on the new Jurassic World Movie! COMPLETE! Also part of the Not Going Home Series! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I return my subjects! For any wondering, YES I have seen Jurassic WOrld, and I bloody loved it! Indominus Rex was indeed a bloody clever girl, downright remarkable, really. I found that her death was rather sudden, however, amusing as it was.**

 **And when I saw that there were so few Naruto crossovers with it and all the INSANITY that takes places throughout, well, the gears in my mind got to turning.** **As another note, this is a sort of prequel to the "Not Going Home" series as a whole, chronicling the adventures of our dimension hopping blond.**

 **Therefore, before reading this, I SERIOUSLY suggest you stop and read that, first.**

 **So, I've been going over reviews, and an anonymous reviewer said something that really resonated with me. I love to write. But sometimes, I feel that this gift owns me, rather than I, owning it. Its like a beast inside me, this urge to create, but I can't control it very well, which results in a LOT of new stories. So as of last night, and continuing throughout the week, I'm purging stories that won't be continued, or works that no one enjoys anymore.**

 **Let me know which ones you feel should be continued, before its too late! Don't worry, many of the major ones will remain, but anything from 2008-2009 is likely going out the window with all the rest of the trash, never to be seen again. This may seem sudden I know, but I'm only purging the forgotten fics that no one cares for. Fear not, its not going to be immediate, but it WILL happen, I simply wanted to get this out as a forewarning.**

 **This will be of very few new stories I plan to release, god willing. If I have an idea, I plan to make it a damn good one before I just toss it out there, as I devote myself to my other works, soon to number into the hundreds, and potentially dozens as I whittle them down. I need to reassess why I want to write, for the joy of it, and I can't do that by letting you guys down with old, crappy stories I wrote in my early days.**

 **LET THE NEW ERA BEGIN! Also yes, I've purged another few stories as of this mark. Now...**

 **...off we go! I proudly present Clever Girl! Its meant to be short and sweet, so I hope ya like it!**

 _"Clever girl."_

 _~?_

 **Hatchling**

 _"Hello, clever girl."_

Those were the first words she heard.

At the very moment Indy _-Indominus Rex-_ became aware, the instant when her tiny claws broke through the eggshell. In those frantic first seconds of existence when there was no thought, only instinct, all she knew was that she had to _get out of this egg_ _right away, right now, now, NOW!_ Her small hands scrabbled rapidly at the hardened shell encasing her body within, tearing it away with feeble strength until finally, finally...

 _Squeak._

A tiny, orange eye peeked up out of the egg, staring up into the big, wide world. Indy blinked once, gazing into the great, encompassing whiteness. Bright! So bright! Her nictitating membrane fluttered shut, then open again, adjusting to the harsh light. The glass ceiling rose, and her small body shivered at the abrupt lack of warmth.

 _Where...what...who?_

The baby Indominus began to squirm as a large hand came down near her head, vocalizing loudly in distress. But instead of harming her, they began to poke at her egg, freeing her from her prison. Wriggling loose from the broken shell, she stumbled out, squawking. A lone eye tracked the hand, still hovering near, and hunger demanded a response. Stumbling on weak legs yet incapable of walking, she only succeeded in flopping to the ground in a squalling heap in the incubation chamber.

Still, that put her mouth right within biting distance...!

Growling, she nipped him.

 _Hard._

"Ow!" a soft laugh greeted her as a piece of flesh came away in her mouth, and the strange, five-fingered hand withdrew with a sudden abruptness. Meat! She gobbled it happily-almost unaware of the attention she had drawn to herself. "Feisty, aren't we?" Something stroked her scales soothingly, and she tried to bite that, too. This time, she wasn't quite as successful. More laughter now, a gentle, almost fatherly chuckle reverberating all around her.

Indy squinted in confusion, staring up at the strange sound...

...and something stared back.

A pair of bright blue eyes met hers, whiskered cheeks pinched in a slight, awed smile. A pair of horns-she simply knew that they were-jutted from flaxen blond hair. All bright, dangerous colors, orange and red and blue these were him, his coat, his hide, and he was them. Indy didn't understand, but in that moment, something clicked in the back of her young mind.

Imprinting, on the first face she saw.

 _Daddy._

This was her first real thought.

"Here." He offered her a piece of meat, larger this time, and her eyes went slitted. "I bet you're hungry." Hungry? She was starving! Famished! Her nostrils flared, inhaling the scent of the token he'd offered her. _Food!_ Indy snapped at it greedily, gobbling up the morsel with a rapacious speed that would've put a raptor to shame. Squeaking happily, she turned her eyes back on him and, sure enough, another piece of food was there to greet her; all but snatched from his hand.

It never even occurred to her to bite him, after that.

"Good girl." he soothed, stroking her scales gently. "Say, you wanna go on an adventure with me? I promise it'll be loads of fun. Waaaaay better than being cooped up like some lab experiment." To her ears, it sounded like her own vocalizations but deeper, rougher. Indy cocked her head and chirped back at him:

 _"Meat. Father. Friend."_

"Yeah, sounds about right." his hand descended again, bringing with it another bit of meat. Part of her, clever girl that she was, wondered where he was getting all this good. The rest of the young rex simply didn't care to think about it, so long as she was fed. "Thank the almighty me for universal languages-

"What, who are you?!" A sharp, angry voice out of sight made her cringe. "You can't be in here!"

Her "father" didn't even look away.

"I can be wherever I want to be, little man. Now, move."

Apparently, the angry voice didn't agree with that.

Not one bit.

 _ **"SECURITY!"**_

"Oh, you just had to make it complicated." the blond sighed, raising a hand. "Say, how's your health plan?" The sound of many booted footfalls reached Indy's ears, eliciting an angry hiss. She saw many warm bodies, a great many people, each exuding anger and hostility. And still, her "parent" didn't move.

"Shoot him!"

 _"Apparently its great!"_

A terrible grinding, screeching sound reached her ears, and when next she looked, the lab was a sea of flames and bloody bodies. Of the squad that had come to kill him, there was nothing but bone and meat. No, wait. One of them was still moving. Moving. Meat. Food.

Hunt.

Indy couldn't help herself; with a cry that would've been terrifying if not for her small size, she gave an almighty squeak and pounced on his back. Sharp fangs sank into his neck. Soft body. Easy meat. Hungry. Still so hungry. Need to feed...

And feed she did.

Naruto laughed and picked her up once she'd had her fill, her tiny body curling in his arms. He was holding a one of a kind creature; a being beyond comprehension. There would never be any other truly like her, so long as she lived.

 _Indominus Rex._

"You and me, we're going to have so much fun together!"

Indy snorted and licked his face. Naruto laughed.

 _Clever girl, indeed..._

 **A/N: Aye, this is a one-two?-shot primarily to show how Naruto both met and "tamed" if you will, Indominus Rex, who will appear later on during his travels. Of course we all know she's a savage beast, but I like to think that she's misunderstood...just a little...**

 **So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly? Hope you enjoyed the story!**

 **R &R~! =D**


	2. Growing up Jurassic

**A/N: I return my subjects! THE I's have it! Ya'll are getting a second chapter! For any wondering, YES I have seen Jurassic World, and I bloody loved it! Indominus Rex was indeed a bloody clever girl, downright remarkable, really. I found that her death was rather sudden, however, amusing as it was.**

 **And when I saw that there were so few Naruto crossovers with it and all the INSANITY that takes places throughout, well, the gears in my mind got to turning.** **As another note, this is a sort of prequel to the "Not Going Home" series as a whole, chronicling the adventures of our dimension hopping blond.**

 **Therefore, before reading this, I SERIOUSLY suggest you stop and read that, first.**

 **LET THE NEW ERA BEGIN! Also yes, I've purged another few stories as of this mark. Now...**

 **...off we go! I proudly present another chapter for Clever Girl! Its meant to be short and sweet, so I hope ya like it!**

 _"Well now, you're a hungry little thing, aintcha?"_

 _~?_

 **Growing Up Jurassic**

 _They say God created man. Yes, I believe that's how it went._

 _Then man killed god, created dinosaurs..._

 _That doesn't sound right._

 _Hmm._

 _No no no, wait, I have it here in my notes, somewhere...ah!_

 _God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs. Dinosaur eats man. Woman inherits the earth. Woman fucks up, tries to create a super-dinosaur, **I** steal said baby dino and leave the rest behind to dither in their little man experiments._

 _Yeah, I like the sound of that._

 _Still one does wonder..._

 _...how do you raise something that's the first of its kind? Simple._

 _By breaking every rule in the book._

* * *

Indominus Rex was queen of the jungle.

Nothing could stop here, nothing could oppose her. She was the apex predator of this island, all would fear her and be devoured! All would cower before her might! She was dangerous! She was mighty! Her power was maximum!

She-

 _"I see you."_

-had just been discovered.

Indy stiffened slightly in the undergrowth as the voice trickled into her ears, a low hiss of annoyance snaking through clenched teeth. Branches rustled traitorously around her hide from that small movement, betraying her position. A lone orange eye peered out at an amused visage, bright blue eyes shining back at her, just out of reach. She felt warm approval _-surprise even-t_ hrough the bond but even so she still didn't want to admit that her camouflage had failed.

Because Indominus was a proud girl and she _hated_ losing.

 _Completely._

"Playing hide and seek again, are we?" Naruto's voice boomed out at her, momentarily causing her small head to dark back into the branches. "I'll admit, you're getting better. It only took me, what," a hand waved, just out sight, "Five minutes, this time?"

An angry hiss answered him, stabbing into his mind.

 _'Six.'_

"Indy." her alpha chastised. "What did we say about being a sore loser, hmm?"

The puny predator huffed, refusing to budge.

 _'Didn't lose. Cheated.'_

Of course, she at once knew she'd been found out, but stubbornly- like the child she was- she continued to hide in the brush. Insects buzzed around her, the cries of distant predators harping in her ears. When Naruto reached for her she bounded backwards into the brush, chirping. Laughter greeted her retreat; another flicker of amusement trickled through the bond, shot down by her stubborn growl.

She made her intentions quite clear; if Naruto really wanted to catch her he'd have to come in after her and-

 _Yoink!_

The little rex squawked in surprise as a pair of strong arms closed around her; the sudden and unexpected tackle attack taking her completely unawares. She wriggled a moment against those powerful limbs before he finally released her. Unfortunately, that resulted in a thunderous headbutt from his diminutive charge, knocking her protector squarely on his back. Determined, she scampered back into the brush...

...only to realize he wasn't moving.

 _"Squeak!"_

Satisfied with her triumph she emerged slowly from the mangled bush, mud brown and green, the colors fading away as she stepped into the dim light afforded by the jungle. Clamoring onto his chest, she planted one of her clawed feet on his jugular and gave a loud, triumphant squeak-one that was completely ruined when Naruto jerked upright and sent her squealing to the floor.

At a mere week days old she was still a tiny little thing; she couldn't yet hunt for a meal without _becoming_ a meal, couldn't fend for herself on her own, alone. Without proper control over her other faculties, she was still as impotent as any other infant might be. With claws. And teeth. Lots of sharp, nasty, pointed teeth. She bared those teeth at him now, defiant.

"Yes, yes, yes, you're big and scary." Naruto laughed, nudging her gently with a booted foot. "I get that."

Indy righted herself and nipped at his toe in response, eyes gleaming.

 _'Food, now?'_

"Hungry little thing, aint'cha?"

She clicked her teeth at him puzzled, conveying confusion through their connection. _'Need food. Meat.'_

 _Their_ bond.

She didn't know what else to think of it; Naruto was father-daddy-and he was alpha. She knew when he was pleased, and knew when he was angry. Sometimes, if she focused _reaaally_ hard, she could even see what he was thinking. Indy didn't know much else-after all, how could she? Imprinting upon him was one thing, but that bit of flesh she'd consumed-devoured-after hatching had...changed her, somehow. She'd essentially eaten part of a god. Of course it was going to change her.

"Hey! No biting!" he cried when she nipped at him again, "Eyes on me. "Say you're sorry."

Had she the facial muscles for it, she would've looked guilty.

She chirped and warbled and chirruped, pleading.

Naruto laughed; in the next instant, a large piece of meat sailed through the air towards her.

"I'll take that as a yes."

Indy watched it like a hawk, balancing on her heels. Then, with a speed he hadn't even known her to possess, the little hatchling _pounced_ snagging the heavy morsel out of the air with her mouth, and dragging it down to the ground. Within moment she'd begun to use her long arms to pick it apart. Long claws scissored into the meat with deceptive ease, holding it in place as she gobbled it down with vicious avarice.

There was just something about it that awed him; only a week old and already she was learning. She was a clever girl alright, but perhaps he'd simply underestimated her ability to comprehend things. He couldn't help but wonder what kind of creature those techs had cooked up in that lab.

They had a connection, they did, and he new she was going to be special, this girl.

A very special girl indeed.

And Isla Sorna was going to learn to fear her...

 _...whether it wanted to or not._

 **A/N: Aye, this is a two-three-shot primarily to show how Naruto both met and "tamed" if you will, Indominus Rex, who will appear later on during his travels. Of course we all know she's a savage beast, but I like to think that she's misunderstood because of her horrible upbringing...just a little...**

 **So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly? Hope you enjoyed the story! And of course, enjoy the preview!**

 **(Preview)**

 _"Give me back my arm."_

 _'No.'_

 _Indy shook her head from side to side, the motion savaging the limb trapped between her teeth. Her tail swayed rapidly back and forth-much like a dog, he thought-and her bright, reptilian eyes reflecting only a desire to play; not the slightest bit of menace in those dancing, orange orbs. She knew he could regenerate, and knew he'd be just fine. Even so, she wasn't giving up her treat. She was like a hyperactive teenager, someone he could barely understand, much less control._

 _Needless to say, Narutp was feeling less than playful at the moment._

 _This was what he got for being liberal with the snacks!_

 _"I swear to god, if you don't give it back right now, I'll turn you back into a human again!"_

 _There was an awful silence._

 _Then, with a loud, guttural bark of laughter, the Indominus raced away into the jungle._

 _"GET YOUR BUTT BACK HERE!"_

 **R &R~! =D**


	3. Flesh and Scale

**A/N: I return my subjects! THE I's have it! Ya'll are getting another chapter! For any wondering, YES I have seen Jurassic World, and I bloody loved it! Indominus Rex was indeed a bloody clever girl, downright remarkable, really. I found that her death was rather sudden, however, amusing as it was.**

 **And when I saw that there were so few Naruto crossovers with it and all the INSANITY that takes places throughout, well, the gears in my mind got to turning.** **As another note, this is a sort of prequel to the "Not Going Home" series as a whole, chronicling the adventures of our dimension hopping blond.**

 **Therefore, before reading this, I SERIOUSLY suggest you stop and read that, first.**

 **LET THE NEW ERA BEGIN! Also yes, I've purged another few stories as of this mark. Now...**

 **...off we go! I proudly present another chapter for Clever Girl! Its meant to be short and sweet, so I hope ya like it! AND YES, I take some unabashed shots at Jurassic Park Three, here =D And yes, I strongly believe that there was more than one Spino only Isla Sorna. This story reflects that belief. Now...**

 **...for reals this time! Hope ya like it! Its nice and long!**

 _"I'm not sure I like that look in your eye-_

 _CHOMP~!_

 _...clever girl."_

 _~?_

 **Flesh and Scale**

 _Ladies and gentlemen...I have erred._

 _There ya go._

 _I said it._

 _Happy?_

 _My mistake was grabbing Indy and rabbiting, never once thinking to see what else "Jurassic World" was cooking up. That was no place for a baby, dinosaur, or otherwise. So I took her and bolted, without pausing to try and ponder my actions. That was my fault._ _My error. Overconfidence, assuming that no one would DARE try to cook up something else in that lab._

 _I was wrong._

 _Perhaps, had I known that there was ANOTHER Indominus in that other egg-the one beside hers-things would be different._

 _Out of sheer curiosity I paid another visit to the island today, on a lark._

 _That's when I saw her._

 _It._

 _Another Indominus Rex. They must've accelerated her growth somehow; she's already twice the size of Indy, three times the crazy, and STILL growing._

 _That thing...I can't even call it a dinosaur anymore. It's a monster. All that anger-rage-all that hate, not even I could get through to it. Tried to get close, and it nearly bit me in half. Nothing to imprint on, so no parents, nothing to put her in her place. The only stable relationship she has is with a crane. A crane! That drops meet into her paddock!_

 _Poor creature. Did I deprive it a sibling? A life? Questions for later, I suppose._

 _Of course, no one expects air-tight logic when we have genetically-recreated dinosaurs running roughshod over gullible humans who sought to control nature. But that's the propelling action that keeps me around, the reason I DIDN'T up and destroy everything on that island. Sick as it might sound, I rather enjoy retarded scientists running around an isle populated by terrifying monsters, savoring disbelief until it finally snaps like a twig. When the latter happens, that's where I step in._

 _But the idea that I could have saved another, innocent life, and that I didn't, well...that hurts._

 _With the benefit of hindsight..._

 _...I'm kinda glad I chose Indy though, instead of the other one._

 _Indy's growing at an incredible rate, both in size and personality. She's a fierce one alright, but sometimes she can be...well, downright playful. She's not quite a daughter, and she's CERTAINLY not a pet, but something better. More. A partner, I guess? Don't know. Don't care, really. She's got a life here, far better than what she would've had in a lab and she's happy. So am I. That's all that matters. Ah, crap, this is getting really hard to write, getting all sentimental._

 _I tell myself I chose her._

 _Sometimes, though, late at night, I wonder..._

 _...was it really **she** who choose me-OW!_

 _THAT DOES IT!_

 _INDY! YOU-_

* * *

-give me back my arm!"

Thus saying, he jerked away from his tented desk in the jungle, spattering red droplets all over his journal-

-and smacked right into her.

The creature he faced was at least three heads taller than him, and despite her close proximity, he felt completely at ease. Well, not completely. His shoulder pumped arterial blood onto the ground, the fresh wound an outright beacon to his charge. Looking up at her, he could've sworn she grinned around her prize. Her head rose, taking half the tent with her.

"You little-

 _'Mine.'_

Indy shook her head from side to side, the motion savaging the limb trapped between her teeth. Her tail swayed rapidly back and forth-much like a dog, he thought-and her bright, reptilian eyes reflecting only a desire to play; not the slightest bit of menace in those dancing, orange orbs. She knew he could regenerate, and knew he'd be just fine. Even so, she wasn't giving up her treat. She was like a hyperactive teenager now, not a child, someone he could barely understand, much less control.

Needless to say, Naruto was feeling less than playful at the moment. Oh, it would be simple to grow another one, but that arm had the chip in it, the one that allowed him to track his charge. He didn't want to tear open the skin again just to implant a new one. Regeneration hurt like hell, and it was something he tried to avoid, when he could.

This was what he got for ignoring her. In many ways, she _was_ still a child-a very bitey girl who did _not_ like to be ignored.

"Hand it over." he pointed, indicating the ravaged arm. "Now."

Another shake. _'No. MINE.'_

"I swear to god, if you don't give it back right now, I'll turn you back into a human again!"

There was an awful silence.

Then, with a loud, guttural bark of laughter, the Indominus raced away into the jungle, the deep _thoom_ of her footfalls rapidly fading.

"GET YOUR BUTT BACK HERE!"

* * *

 _(Miles away)_

A lone Rex heard the shouting.

Curiosity peaked, the great tyrant raised its muzzle, looking up from the spinosaur carcass that was its meal. It stomped down on the beast one last time, just to be certain it was dead. Bastard ate Johnny. Johnny was cool. Then he'd gotten himself eaten. Not cool. Pride dictated that the sonuvabitch had to be taught a lesson. right and proper. Youngsters these days, no respect.

Still, what was this noise, so deep in its territory?

Craning its neck, it was rewarded with a flash of white in the trees, mere moments before a massive, dangerous creature came racing across the grove. Arm clutched in its mouth, it gave a single, challenging bark, then it was gone again back into the jungle. The T-Rex huffed, annoyed.

"Don't even think about it!"

Then, somewhere behind the Indominus, it caught sight of a flash of blond hair. Instinct clamped down. Dino-killer. Nope nope NOPE!

 _'Nope.'_

It promptly went back to its meal and pretended it hadn't seen anything.

Within good reason!

* * *

 _(Flashback)_

 _Indy was a dangerous girl, the most brilliant-or was she really?-of any of her kind._

 _She was special in ways that words simply couldn't describe, unique-no._

 _Perhaps unique didn't quite exactly define that._

 _Because Indy was also a very clever girl._

 _Indominus proved herself so clever in fact, that one might almost think her human. Already more than a month old now and she was the size of a large cat going on a tiger; thin and slender, yet rippling with muscle and sinew and power. She could already hunt and hide on her own but preferred to stick by father more out of habit than of any real need._

 _The young rex could feel the power in her body when she moved now, and though much awkward growing lay ahead, she knew she was strong. Fearsome._

 _She also loved to run._

 _There was just something about it that spoke to her on a primal level._

 _Such as now; the steady thump-thump-thump of a steady sprint pounding away at her muscles, the heady feel of burning muscles a rich euphoria that she treasured. She wasn't hunting, she was running for sport; for a pure, simple reason. Because she enjoyed it, for the pure thrill of it all. Having already feasted on an unlucky ankylosaur, she was almost pleasantly sated, her body filled with the rich, vigorous energies needed to sprint across the isle she called home._

 _'Run, run, run, run.' It was a need-demand-in her very blood, and she yielded to it gladly._

 _It wasn't long before her joyride carried her into the island's interior, into the thick flocks of herbivores and omnivores alike._ _Easily-effortlessly-she could've had her pick of the island's inhabitants, but, Indy chose not to. They lived because she decided it; and they would die on a whim when she was hungry._

 _Herds of Triceratops and Stegasaurous scattered before her like leaves on the wind, bellowing their distresses, baring their horns and spikes in defensive postures, shrinking back from her sharp teeth._

 _Indy wasn't interested in them. Instead she barked out a cry of her own and kept running._

 _When she was moving at top speed almost nothing could catch her, save the larger predators. And Father, of course. Father could catch just about anything when he wanted to. Soon, she would be able to as well. There was no precedent for it, but somehow, Indy-Indominus Rex-knew that she would be big; bigger than anything else out there. She would be the top predator on Isla Sorna, her new home._

 _Assuming she survived._

 _She was still small, compared to the giants that roamed the island, but she was growing now, well on her way to becoming the giant she'd always been meant to be. Part of her pondered that, wondering at the irony. How could she know she would become a giant? It stood to reason that she shouldn't be growing this fast but she was; every day came with a growth spurt; the need to adjust to her ever-changing body was almost a compelling need._

 _Need._

 _What needs did she have?_

 _She felt the need to stay near father-Daddy!-the urge to impress him, the Alpha. Both parent and leader. A strange feeling, she thought._

 _Unusual._

 _Then again, her life had been destined to be an unconventional one from the very beginning. Bred and born-engineered!-in a lab by scientists ,imprinting on an insane deity and being subsequently whisked away by said deity to another island entirely and raised, alone. Under any other circumstance such a relationship w would have ended in disaster._

 _Not this one._

 _Naruto was everything to her. Naruto was all._

 _He was part of their pack, but sometimes Indy wondered all the same. Were there others like her? If so, WHERE were they? Did she have pack outside of Naruto? It was a traitorous thought, and she wasn't quite sure if she liked that line of thinking._

 _Naruto was her pack. Father. Family._

 _She didn't rightly know what she was; she was the only one of her kind-that she knew of-after all. But she knew, without a doubt, that she owed him her life. That she was happy here._

 _"Hey!"_

 _A sharp whistle drew her attention to a patch of forestry at her flank, and she wheeled westward with delighted chirrup. Scenting him, she hastened her stride, barreling through branch and bramble alike. Circumventing a decayed fence, she darted through a wide opening and-_

 _-there he was._

 _Crashing through the undergrowth Indy spied him there across the clearing, at a distance._

 _His stride was leisurely, almost lazy in his silly looking robes. A massive bronchiosaur lay aways behind him, its decimated carcass burning brightly on an immense pyre. Despite her supposed-lack-of-hunger, Indy felt herself begin to drool again, almost grinning at the concept of such a meal._

 _"Eyes on me." he waved, the motion drawing her attention._

 _Indy stood rigid at his approach._

 _"Eyes up!" Those were her favorite words. She'd come to associate them with all manner of things, many of them good, few bad. "Alright then, let's see how you did today. "He looked down at a device on his wrist, and whistled softly._ _"You cheeky little dickwaffle! That was even faster than last time! How did you...you know what? I don't want to know."_

 _Indy warbled a query._

 _'Good?'_

 _"Very good!"_

 _Her head trained towards, him, tracking._

 _"Whose my clever girl?" he waved, ushering her closer. You are!"_

 _A low hiss said otherwise. Indy froze in her tracks, rational thought abandoning her._

 _Danger!_

 _Danger!_

 _DANGER!_

 _Her mind wheeled frantically as a large shape resolved itself amongst the trees; a great, towering creature stepping out into the light. Instinct seized her, her body warring between fight or flight. It was close to her, so very close, and the need to stand her ground and declare her territory was almost overwhelming. So was the fear. Anxiety. Terror. Meat. It had scented the meat, and was here to feed._

 _Spinosaur._

 _Angry._

 _Male._

 _Danger._

 _Naruto clicked his jaw in warning, still a fair distance away._

 _"Don't even thing about it, Spiney." he called. "I'll turn your ass inside out."_

 _The Spinosaurus yowled angrily, shaking its head on side to side in annoyed confusion. For a moment-just a moment-it seemed to consider those words. Naruto emitted the presence of an alpha predator, a creature of pure, bestial intent. A parent who would fight to the death for their children. They glowered at one another for a long moment, two alphas, neither willing to budge._

 _Then the angry theropod charged._

 _Not at him._

 _At her._

 _Too fast._

 _Too close!_

 _Jaws closing on her neck swiftly, so swiftly-_

 _ **"Nurt otni namuh!"** Naruto barked something in a strange, reversed language and suddenly Indy felt herself falling, the spino's long jaws sweeping harmlessly over her head as she tumbled to the ground. Still she was plummeting, tumbling. But that didn't make any sense. She could feel the ground beneath her, dead leaves against her bulk. Her entire body shuddered, convulsing as it fell inward, compacting. A terrified eye gazed up at the cold trees. The world looked...larger, somehow. Everything...everything..._

 _Crack._

 _Above her the Spinosaurus yowled._

 _A giant, golden fox had caught its jugular squarely in its jaws-holding it steady-and with a deafening crunch, broke the beast's neck. Sent it crashing to the ground. Again, she barely saw it. Was barely aware. The dead body-corpse-crashed to the floor only feet away, but she didn't even see it._

 _Instead she saw something else._

 _Quivering, she stared into the giant muddy footprint-her footprint-the murky brown water reflecting her face._

 _A small, tiny being stared back at her._

 _Long silver-almost white-tresses fell about a heart-shaped face from which eyes of bright, molten amber shone. Her skin was pale, almost grey, even, but that wasn't what rooted her. It was the eyes. Those, were her eyes. Orange and slitted, staring out at her from a human's face. She did not recognize the face of this young girl, her beauty, didn't care for her nakedness. She only knew that it -this!- felt horribly wrong. Her entire body started shaking, flat teeth clicking together in distress._

 _All that emerged was gibberish._

 _"Oh, hell." Naruto muttered. She barely heard him. "Look, just breathe, its alright-_

 _Indy whined, hugging herself for warmth. Distantly, she felt him throw a cloak around her._

 _Not right._

 _Wrong._

 _She felt weak in this form. Vulnerable. No scales. No claws. No tail to balance herself. Her throat felt strange; she couldn't make the proper calls, couldn't convey her distress. All she heard was a sound that sounded a good deal like a whimper. In that, species held no difference. Terrified and furious, she clamored about in the mud, failing utterly to stand._

 _Didn't like it!_

 _Did!_

 _Not!_

 _Like!_

 _"Easy," her entire body nearly flailed when Father embraced her from behind. "Just breathe."_

 _So Indy did._

 _In..._

 _Ouuuuut..._

 _(End Flashback)_

* * *

It had been many months since he'd inflicted that humiliation on her.

He'd made her remain human for an entire day.

A!

Full!

Daaaaaay!

An unnerving thing it was, to become a puny human. No strength. No power. Not like Naruto; Naruto was a different breed. He insisted that her human body-should she ever deign to use it-would be just as powerful as her true form, but the thought of being weak and powerless again terrified her. No teeth. No claws. Nothing to defend herself with.

And yet...

...some small part of her yearned to feel it again.

Human.

Dinosaur.

Both?

Perhaps that was why she'd snatched his arm in the first place. Curiosity killed the cat as they said, but Indy was certainly no cat. She had too much pride to openly ask-vocalize-what she wanted so she'd gone to all the trouble of biting off his arm and leading him on a merry chase through the jungle. In a way it was elating, the adrenaline pulsing through her veins drowned out his furious shouts at her back.

He had promised her they would go "home" if she learned to act like a human. That was her drive. Her focus.

In the end, she got her wish.

"Got you!"

A startled yip burst out of the Indominus as something collided into her from behind; in the next instant she was shrinking, tumbling, rolling to the floor in a bundle of arms and legs. The world spun madly around her as her brain struggled to orient itself with the sudden change in perspective, her startled cry turning to a human shriek of surprise.

"Checkmate." Naruto crowed, skidding to a halt beside her.

Glowering up at him, she spat the arm out, her mouth now too small to contain her proud prize. Stumbling, she tried to stand, and failed miserably. Her human body was larger now, reflecting her growth rate. Her arms and legs were longer now, still stumbling through the awkward years of human in puberty. She resembled a teenager, angry and irked with her parent. She still didn't understand the concept of "nakedness" that he only _always_ referred to, but she accepted the tattered cloak regardless, draping herself in it.

"Give it." Naruto beckoned. She knew what he wanted, orange eyes narrowing.

The limb sailed through the air to smack him in the head.

Laughing he reattached his arm,

"If you wanted to be human again, you could've asked."

Indy felt her face burn. What was this sensation? She remembered him calling it "blushing" what was a blush? She felt ashamed. Embarassed. This time, when she tried to stand, she was marginally successful. Her body held its balance for an instant then-traitorous thing!-arms pinwheeling, she crashed back into the muck. Naruto's cackle made her ears burn.

"Not as easy as it looks, is it?"

Indy growled, snapping her flat teeth at him.

Naruto thought it was absolutely adorable.

Indy...

...not so much.

She would...master this capricious flesh, just as she'd mastered all else. There was no other alternative. Growling and snarling she struggled to stand again, and each time met with a resounding failure. An angry hiss of exasperation snaked between her clenched teeth.

"Use your words."

"Un...fair." her voice-weak from lack of use-sounded like that of a dusky goddess. Smoke, roiling through honey. It was, in truth, one of the only words she knew besides his name.

"You're a clever girl," he soothed, crouching beside her. "You'll figure it out eventually."

She purred softly, resting her head against his shoulder.

"Then go home?"

A deep rumble of laughter thudded through his chest, reverberating up her ear like the drums of a great hunt, out for her blood. "Yeah...

...home-JESUS MOTHA!"

His words warped into a strangled yelp as her supposedly "harmless" teeth sank into his shoulder, nipping him.

"What in the hell was that for, ya little bugger?!"

Indy's grin was practically demonic.

 _"Payback."_

 **A/N: Aye, this is a two-three-shot primarily to show how Naruto both met and "tamed" if you will, Indominus Rex, who will appear later on during his travels. Of course we all know she's a savage beast, but I like to think that she's misunderstood because of her horrible upbringing...just a little...**

 **So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly? Hope you enjoyed the story! And of course, enjoy the preview! Hope it makes ya grin!**

 **(Preview)**

 _"ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US."_

 _...what.'_

 _Another series of snarls and chirps._

 _"MY HOVERCRAFT IS FULL OF EELS."_

 _'Mocked. I...am I being mocked, here?'_ _Indy snorted in disbelief, baffled by the creature-her sibling?-odd vocalizations before her. 'You, there! Beast! Make sense!' Its grunts and warbles sounded warped and distorted, by comparison, mindless gibberish that made not a lick of sense besides. She stared at the creature for a long moment, this twin, this reflection of herself. It mirrored her movements, looked just like her, only larger-a good foot longer_

 _"MY-_

 _'Quiet!' Indy snapped, roaring, and the larger creature cowered as though it had been struck. 'Cease your gibberish!'_

 _There was a moment of shared silence between them-comprehension, perhaps?-as the two dinosaurs stared one another down. Indy clicked her jaw, irritated._

 _'Are you talking to-_

 _"SOMEONE SET US UP THE BOMB."_

 _An orange eye twitched._

 ** _'Die.'_**

 _Then she pounced!_

 **R &R~! =D**


	4. Gibberish

**A/N: I return my subjects! THE I's have it! Ya'll are getting another chapter! For any wondering, YES I have seen Jurassic World, and I bloody loved it! Indominus Rex was indeed a bloody clever girl, downright remarkable, really. I found that her death was rather sudden, however, amusing as it was.**

 **And when I saw that there were so few Naruto crossovers with it and all the INSANITY that takes places throughout, well, the gears in my mind got to turning.** **As another note, this is a sort of prequel to the "Not Going Home" series as a whole, chronicling the adventures of our dimension hopping blond.**

 **Therefore, before reading this, I SERIOUSLY suggest you stop and read that, first.**

 **LET THE NEW ERA BEGIN! Also yes, I've purged another few stories as of this mark. Now...**

 **...off we go! I proudly present another chapter for Clever Girl! Its meant to be short and sweet, so I hope ya like it! AND YES, I take some unabashed shots at Jurassic Park Three, here =D And yes, I strongly believe that there was more than one Spino only Isla Sorna. This story reflects that belief. Now...**

 **...for reals this time! Hope ya like it! Its nice and long! And the FEELS! Prepare yourself for the funny's AND feels! Its derpy, funny, silly, and filled with dram at the end!**

 _"I do not understand the meaning of this word."_

 _"What word?"_

 _"This one."_

 _"Oh, that...that's...f_ _amily._ _"_

 _"Meaning?"_

 _"Its...I guess you could say its like pack. You and me, that's what we are. Family."_

 _"Family...hmm. I like it."_

 _~Naruto and Indy!_

 **Gibberish**

 _Why must I write in this infernal thing?!_

 _Papa insisted that I learn the art of writing, so here I am. Ha! A laughable skill. What need have I of paltry pens and notes when I am the queen of all I survey?! I know how to hunt, walk, talk, and speak. What more do I need to know? Still, I promised him I would write in this infernal thing, if only to keep a leash on my thoughts and prove I'm not some dumb brute. I have a mind, a heart, a soul. I am an individual. I have learned the simple joy in living off the land, seen the beauty of an island left untamed by the two legs, witnessed the savagery that only the strong survive._

 _My existence has been...a strange one, to say the least._

 _For as long as I can remember, Papa has been everything to me. Father. Daddy. Alpha. Pack. Yet when he tells me that we'll be leaving this place soon...I am given pause. Not just this island, but he tells me once he's completed his business on this "Jurassic World" as he calls it, we'll be going somewhere else entirely._

 _Do I want that? Am I ready to do that? Leave behind everything I've known?_

 _I'm sure that, were he to read this, he would point out that yes, I still stumble on occasion and refuse to grasp the concept of shoes-far better to feel the grass beneath one's feet-but I am still me. I am here. I am alive and I am not alone._

 _And I am NOT going away._

 _He tells me I am almost ready now, that soon, very soon, we can go back to the place of my birth. But at a cost. I have to remain in this fleshy form for the duration of our stay. While I no long abhor it as I once did the idea of walking amongst so many two-legs in such a vulnerable body has me on edge._

 _I am...what is the word...?_

 _Afraid._

 _Yes, that's the one._

 _I HATE being afraid._

 _But more than that I hate...hate... **HATE...**_

 _...that he brought this horrible man into our camp!_

* * *

 **"RAAAAAARGH!"**

Naruto didn't so much as twitch when the tree trunk sailed right over his head. He didn't deign to open his eyes in the least, even when the massive oak crashed into the lake and doused him with gallons of water. He'd become accustomed to such outbursts as his charge grew-after all, she had puberty to contend with, and that was hell for anyone, let alone a unique, one of a kind shape-shifting hybrid like herself. But outright ripping a tree out of the ground and tossing it at him was new.

Even for her.

"Something wrong?" he opened an eye, the lone blue orb staring complacently out at the towering Rex looming over him, a mere meter away. Anyone else would have soiled themselves and screamed for their mommy like a little girl. Naruto barely batted an eyelash at the glowering maw of teeth and fangs about to bite his head off. Indy clicked her jaw at him, snarling furiously. A series of senses assaulted him, conveying anger and displeasure and...was that _fear?_

"You know I can't understand you when you're like that." he said, smiling up at her. "Use your words."

 _You!_

Indy snorted angrily, a cloud of steam blasted the matted mane of his hair back on his head. In barely a blink an angry young woman stood before him, her bright orange eyes hot and angry on him. A quivering finger thrust itself into his face, mercilessly jabbing his nose. In the back of his mind he remained grateful that she'd learned to shift while wearing clothes; he'd no desire to get an eyeful from someone who was practically a daughter to him...partner...whatever the word was.

"I am _...frustrated!"_ she exclaimed spinning away from him with a hiss, the motion causing her white sundress to flare furiously out at her hips. Naruto quietly facepalmed. The concept of modesty was utterly lost on the young Rex; thankfully she'd remembered to wear briefs as well, today. He wasn't about to go into the matter of explaining the principle of clothes and why people _needed_ to wear them again. That was one escapade he had no desire to repeat.

"Okay, frustrated. Why-oh dear."

 _Chomp!_

Before he could complete that thought Indy spun around and _bit_ him, her sharp teeth sinking into the yielding flesh of his right bicep with an angry _nomming_ sound. Yet another nervous tick, she'd taken to nipping him when she was well and truly stressed. Now she was glowering bloody red daggers at him, refusing to release her hold. He knew perfectly well that-even in her human form!-she had the strength to rip the limb clean off his body if he tried to struggle, so instead, he simply sat there, bemused by her actions.

"I can see that." he deadpanned, staring at her down the length of his bleeding bicep with all the patience only a rogue deity could muster, "Why?"

With an angry squelching sound, Indy let go of her favorite chew toy.

"I could ask you the same thing!" her voice rose audibly, veritably keening in distress on a subvocal level. "Why must I suffer the presence of this...this.. _.intruder?!"_

"Who, Stein? He's harmless!"

 _"Yes!_ AND NO HE IS NOT! He looks like a...what is the word for that stitched monster from the book you showed me?"

"Frankenstein?" Naruto offered.

"YES! THAT! It is not natural! Neither is he!"

"Look, Indy, I may be a deity, but I'm no doctor." the blond replied, picking himself up and drying himself off with a snap of the fingers. "Stein is. Better yet, he's an old friend of mine; one that _won't_ try to dissect you unless you bite him. He's only here for a few days, checking you for infections and the like. Then he's back to his world."

"He poked me." she muttered, grasping at straws.

"After you growled at him yesterday," Naruto soothed, "I'm sure he did."

Her expression didn't change. Naruto felt his smile taper down into a frown.

"Something else is bothering you." It wasn't a question.

Indy went very still.

For a moment he thought she was going to bolt again; run off into the jungle, as she always did when she didn't want to talk. This time, something rooted her. Those bright amber eyes burning like twin fires, suddenly quelled themselves, becoming almost subdued somehow. She fidgeted restlessly on bare feet, kicking up bits of wet mud and dried leaves as she shifted. Her arms hugged her torso fiercely, fingers gripped at her arms tightly. Naruto said nothing, he simply waited for her to speak, as was her wont.

And eventually, she did."

"I think about this...this...this place we are to visit," she began slowly, pacing away from him, "And I am frightened!" In a blink she whirled back, glaring at him as though this were somehow his fault. "I should not be! I have nothing to fear! You said so yourself! I'm strong! I'm powerful! So why do I feel this _fear?"_ Bright amber eyes bored into him, demanding an answer, as though she honestly expected him to help her rationalize her fear. Perhaps she did. Naruto sighed, pushing a hand through the spiky tresses of his matted mane of hair, contemplating her question, the strangeness of it.

She wasn't rightly a teenager anymore, more an adolescent than not, but it was moment like this that reminded him just how young she truly was.

Spirits, she was growing up so fast.

 _Crunch._

Indy started slightly as her protector stood suddenly, the abruptness of the movement obliterating the dead leaves at her feet. Everything in her told her to shift and bolt; it was only through a supreme effort of will that the young Indominus managed to hold her ground and stand fast as he approached her...

...and laid a hand on her head.

"It's alright to be scared, Indy." Naruto soothed, rubbing her scalp. "You're only-

A furious hiss snaked between her clenched teeth.

-only what, human?! I'm not! I don't even know what I am anymore!"

"You're someone very special to me. That's all that matters."

Her petulant pout didn't fade.

"Would you feel better if you had a mother?" he offered.

The question, sudden and unexpected as it was, nearly floored her.

"I have no need for a mother." turning her head, she nuzzled his hand, purring softly. "I have you."

She wasn't expecting the laughter. "True enough, I suppose. So, you wanna play the word game, again?

Her eyes widened.

"The Word Game" as Naruto put it, wasn't really much of a game at all when you knew about it. It consisted of him conjuring up a dictionary and teaching her new words, ones she chose herself. He did so now, trying to ignore the uncomfortable sensation of the slight hybrid taking up residence in her lap. Some things would never fade, he supposed. Trying to push her off-and keep her off-when she was like this warranted more harm than good and by this point, he simply didn't have the willpower to resist.

"I do not understand the meaning of this word." she thrust her finger impotently at the series of syllables that confounded her so. "You did not tell me its meaning, yesterday."

"What word?"

"This one." she pointed.

"Oh, that...that's...family."

"Meaning?"

"Its...I guess you could say its like pack. You and me, that's what we are. Family."

Indy blinked. Then, slowly almost gradually, a smile formed on that pale, perfect face.

"Family...hmm. I like it."

* * *

 _Today is the day._

 _He tells me I'm ready and maybe I am. I have spent weeks preparing for this day, without truly knowing what to expect. Father insists that I should expect the unexpected, but wait, does that mean I **shouldn't** expect him to expect my expectations...gah. My head hurts just thinking about it. Understanding his mind requires an intellect I do not have, a mind I could never truly hope to match. Perhaps that is why I am afraid but, that fear is overshadowed by another emotion._

 _Yes, I dare say, I am excited._

 _Today, I will see others of my kind-perhaps even another like me!-but he tells me that they cannot simply change their shape as I can. That I am unique. Does this make me better? I do not think so. Curious, on the other hand...most certainly._

 _I believe I am ready._

 _...I suppose we shall find out._

* * *

Indy understood humility.

She'd had the concept beaten into her since she was a hatchling; yes, she was fast, she was strong, but she was not the _strongest._ Naruto held that title. She knew that the world was a big place and her sanctuary was only one small corner of it and that one day she would have to leave that sheltered cove and venture out into the world, whether she wanted to or not. With or without Naruto. She' told herself she'd always known that, from the very beginning. And she'd thought herself ready.

Now?

Not ready.

Not ready at all!

She squirmed like a restless child as she walked amongst the two-leggeds. Her hand clutched Naruto's like a life line; she feared he would vanish into smoke the moment she let go. Her eyes itched horribly beneath the sunglasses she'd been forced to wear in lieu of painful contact lenses, but her mind was a-whirl with possibilities. Every fiber of her being ached for action, longing to investigate the senses that assailed her. She felt like a nestling all over again, an infant newborn unable to accept the sheer assault on her psyche.

And she was utterly delighted by it.

So many sights!

Many sounds!

Smells!

Her eyes raced wildly as they stepped off the boat. She glanced to and fro, an eager dog straining at her leash. Naruto humored her by following, but he never once let go. In hindsight, she supposed she couldn't blame him after the tree incident-still had a nasty temper, she did.

"Excited?"

She risked a glance back at Naruto, frowning.

"How do you do it? There's so much...

"Try breathing. It helps. And not eating the humans."

She sniffed. "But they smell so good~!'

"Whaaaat did you just say?"

Indy gulped. "That I, ah, love you very much?"

"I did not just hear that. Did you, bro?

"Nope, not at all.

Zach and Gray Mitchell, nephews of Claire Dearing, stared back at the pair on the dock almost in disbelief. The younger of the two brothers thought that for a moment-just a moment-he actually saw a tail whisper into existence behind this strange waif of a girl.

Indy smiled and placed a lone finger to her lips.

"Sh."

Gray could only stare.

"Or better yet, run." Naruto flashed his teeth in a menacing smile. "Before you get eaten!"

The boys didn't stand around to see if he was serious or not;

"When someone earns my respect, that means I do not rest. I devote all my energy, everything I have, to either killing them or getting them on my side. Or in your case, keeping you far and away from any boys, one age and all. They weren't good enough for Indy-his Indy-Not a one of them!

"Why did you do that?!"

"Keeping an eye out for you."

"That sounds like a hypocrite."

"Yes, I am a hypocrite." he chirruped happily. "A splendid, silly, overbearing hypocrite who will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. A loving, doting hypocrite who-

-when next he looked, Indy was gone.

Naruto felt his eyes bulge.

"OI, oi where did she go?!"

Naruto's remaining briefcase exploded in his hand, showering himself with shattered shards of broken plastic. Lifting his head slowly, he craned his neck loosely and somewhat eratically to _look_ at the direction of the in which she'd gone,-a twitching, spasmodic movement to his motions.

"Oi, oi, oi, my bad luck strikes again, it seems."

The fun had only just begun.

* * *

Indy stared at her "sibling" in disbelief.

She had followed the scent here, to this her here, in this paddock, leaving a note behind the promise to return the moment she finished her business. Towering walls on either side threatened to stir her claustrophobia all over again, even in her large body she felt small and puny compared to those great towering monoliths. Of course, she could scale the walls at any time in her human form, but the towering spires invoked a strange sense of unease all the same. An irritated snarl snaked between her teeth.

The sudden presence of yet another dominant animal, however, commandeered her attention.

It wasn't long before she spotteed the creature, lurking between the branches.

"Come out!"

Everything collapsed down around her as she saw the beast's bulk, met its cold gaze. She could feel it crushing her. Everything was moving so fast. She was drowning in water she couldn't see. Every fear she'd ever had came back to her at once. Monsters surrounded her. Her stomach inverted, her hope shriveled out of existence and her heart caved in.

Indy glared back at her twin-doppleganger?-for long several seconds without letting up, veins throbbing visibly in her forehead. Those amber blue eyes were cast in shadow, and gleaming with baleful light. His angry lips were curled back almost of their own accord, barring her teeth in a decidedly vicious snarl.

"What are you...?

"ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US."

 _...what.'_

Another series of snarls and chirps.

"MY HOVERCRAFT IS FULL OF EELS."

'Mocked. I...am I being mocked, here?' Indy snorted in disbelief, baffled by the creature-her sibling?-odd vocalizations before her. 'You, there! Beast! Make sense!' Its grunts and warbles sounded warped and distorted, by comparison, mindless gibberish that made not a lick of sense besides. She stared at the creature for a long moment, this twin, this reflection of herself. It mirrored her movements, looked just like her, only larger-a good foot longer

"MY-

'Quiet!' Indy snapped, roaring, and the larger creature cowered as though it had been struck. 'Cease your gibberish!'

There was a moment of shared silence between them-comprehension, perhaps?-as the two dinosaurs stared one another down. Indy clicked her jaw, irritated.

'Are you talking to-

"SOMEONE SET US UP THE BOMB."

An orange eye twitched.

 **'Die.'**

Then she pounced!

 **A/N: Aye, this is a two-three-shot primarily to show how Naruto both met and "tamed" if you will, Indominus Rex, who will appear later on during his travels. Of course we all know she's a savage beast, but I like to think that she's misunderstood because of her horrible upbringing...just a little...**

 **So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly? Hope you enjoyed the story! And of course, enjoy the preview! Hope it makes ya grin! It also hints at another story...one that's gonna blow your socks off!**

 **(Preview)**

 _"Oh, I've got an idea~!"_

 _"I do not see the point of that." Indy sighed, looking up from her clawed fingers, uncaring as the the deadly razors shifted back to harmless human nails once more, "What could you possibly mean by **-what you doing with my egg?"** Amber eyes watched him intently, never once leaving the prize in his hands. She was wholly protective of her clutch, every one of them Naruto knew; just as he knew she was going to bite his head off if he didn't explain himself posthaste._

 _"Now wait just a second! Don't get all bitey!"_

 _Pearly whites flashed. "Explain yourself."_

 _Her offspring held limitless possibilities; even she herself admitted she didn't truly know what would hatch from the tiny cluster she'd spawned._

 _"C'mon, its just one egg. I thought I'd go poking around with it."_

 _"'Tis **my** egg." she hissed." _

_"Reading Shakespeare again, huh?" When her leer didn't abate he deflated with a sigh. "Look, if its that important to you, I'll just conjure up another one from your DNA. After all_ _, we have to do SOMETHING with it. Its not like we could-oh."_

 _"Oh? Oh, what?"_

 _Naruto simply grinned. "I've an idea."  
_

 _"You already said that."_

 _"Libel! How would you like to meet me when I was first starting out?"_

 _Her head tilted. "I do not see the appeal. I like you as you are; not some powerless weakling. Why would I wish to meet an alternate version of you?"_

 _"I'll take you to my favorite hunting grounds~!"_

 _The queen's head whipped around so swiftly he was certain she'd given herself whiplash._

 _Her eyes sparkled._

 _"Truly?!"_

 **R &R~! =D**


	5. My Rex

**A/N: I return my subjects! THE I's have it! Ya'll are getting another chapter! For any wondering, YES I have seen Jurassic World, and I bloody loved it! Indominus Rex was indeed a bloody clever girl, downright remarkable, really. I found that her death was rather sudden, however, amusing as it was.**

 **And when I saw that there were so few Naruto crossovers with it and all the INSANITY that takes places throughout, well, the gears in my mind got to turning.** **As another note, this is a sort of prequel to the "Not Going Home" series as a whole, chronicling the adventures of our dimension hopping blond.**

 **Therefore, before reading this, I SERIOUSLY suggest you stop and read that, first before venturing into the silliness that is this crack ficlet.**

 **LET THE NEW ERA BEGIN! Also yes, I've purged another few stories as of this mark. Now...**

 **...off we go! I proudly present another chapter for Clever Girl! Its meant to be short and sweet, so I hope ya like it! AND YES, I take some unabashed shots at Jurassic Park Three, here =D And yes, I strongly believe that there was more than one Spino only Isla Sorna. This story reflects that belief. I also credit the brilliant Muddle Not Fiddle by Evilfuzzy9 for inspiring me to do this. Now...**

 **...for reals this time! Hope ya like it! Its nice and long! And the FEELS! Prepare yourself for the funny's AND feels! Its derpy, funny-full of fourth-wall breaking-silly, not to mention filled with drama at the end and...hey...HEY! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! GET OUT OF HERE! LET GO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I HAVE RIGHTS YOU-Mhrmrhrgle?!**

 _"Quack."_

 _...you...you DARE defecate upon my head?!"  
_

 _"Quack?"_

 _"Flee, duck. FLEE FOR YOUR LIFE!"_

 _"QUACK~!_

 _~Indy in a very strange moment...!_

 **My Rex is...**

 _STOP!  
_

 _Stop stop stop stop STOOOOOOOOPU!_

 _I, Uzumaki Naruto, god of all that is and ever was, am officially breaking the fourth wall here, readers! I cannot allow this story to continue like this!_

 _We can't just jump to the meat of the matter like that! A lot of stuff happened before Indy met her sister! Like the time she shed her very first tear...ah! Or when I murdered that boy for talking about her ass! The duck incident! Raptors! Rexes! Tearful moments! So many touching of them! Not to mention my glorious ramen escapde! I SHALL NOT ALLOW THE AUTHOR TO GLOSS OVER IT! By the power of the log and all that is noodley broth, I shall not allow it!_

 _ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL OF NEONZANGETSU! Aaaaaaaand..._

 _...rewind!_

* * *

 _(Hours earlier...)_

Indy was lost.

There could be no other word for her precarious predicament as she threaded her way through the bustling crowds. Lost, alone, and _hungry_ amidst endless throngs of walking meat sacks, all within arms reach. Longing to sink her teeth into them-okay, nope! Couldn't do that! Absolutely could _not_ do that! No matter how much her stomach ached and grumbled-regardless of the hunger-she knew to give in meant disaster. Not for her of course, but for the trust Naruto had placed in her and her self-restraint.

Never had she lost him before; he always seemed to find her before she went too far.

Not today.

She'd told herself she was just investigating that strange feeling from before-yet when she'd turned around he was gone and she was alone. It felt like something was tugging at her, trying to get her attention but what? As if some entity had reached out across time and space and latched onto her senses, she felt herself drawn to it. Indy didn't even know what "it" was! Not in the least! She only knew that something-someone-was here on this island, and that something was calling to her.

That something had caused her to lose sight of papa.

Now, panic seized her. So too, did the hunger, striking with renewed force.

 _Grnrgle..._

The young Indominus groaned softly, doubling over and leaning against a nearby wall.

 _'So...famished..._

Naruto had stressed to her over and over again that she wasn't to feed on humans while on this island. Naruto was alpha and papa both. She obeyed his commands. But she was sooo hungry, and she loathed the taste of human food! Her eyes swiveled beneath the sunglasses, contemplating a particularly heavyset man waddling past in a shirt and shorts several sizes too small for his bulky body. A human would've looked away out of sheer disgust; Indy simply stared, following the obese tourist with hungry eyes.

Her stomach growled anew. Just a little flesh, it pleaded. Something to take the edge off.

Naruto would never find out; after all, what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, right?

Surely a few bites wouldn't hurt _-GAH!_ No! Nope nope nope NOPE! But it was so difficult...!

So many sights.

Sounds?

Smells!

 _Splat._

She stopped in her tracks, gawking as a wet, milky-brown substance spilled all over her face. The world stood still. Her mind as well, refusing to accept what had just happened. The chances of being shat upon on Isla Nubar were relatively high; the chances of the brown stuff falling upon her from a random bird, much less one of these, were slim to none. And yet, it had just happened. Fingers twitching she reached up, plucking the sunglasses from her face, exposing burning amber eyes. Those slitted irises locking on the culprit like a heat seeking missile.

 _"Quack."_

The perpetrator alighted on the railing next to her, an insufferable smug look on its billed beak. For a long, terrifying moment, nothing happened. Indy stared at it, eyes flickering like embers behind her glasses. She felt like crying in that instant-until she felt something else. All the world stained itself red, the fires of hunger and the pangs of loneliness falling away as she glared bloody red daggers at the foul fowl responsible for shitting spectacularly all over her.

A duck.

...you...you DARE defecate upon my head?!"

 _"Quack?"_

Indy twitched. Out came the claws.

"Flee, bird. FLEE FOR YOUR LIFE!"

"QUACK~?!"

In the end, Indy had _canard_ for lunch.

Needless to say, security ended up being called...

...and promptly found themselves tossed into the mosasaur pen.

* * *

"Oh, fuck all kinds of duck!"

Naruto nearly facepalmed when he happened upon the aftermath of Indy's tantrum nearly an hour later. He knew her handiwork at a lone glance; the crater, the blood, the stain on the floor, all those _...feathers._ What? Rolling a piece of pummeled plume between his fingers, he took a moment to marvel at the sheer iron of his statement. She'd literally eaten the shit out of that mallard for taking a crap on her. Ah, benefits that came with knowing his little Indy...

"Oi," he grunted, grabbing hold of a random passerby, snagging the teenager by the arm. "Have you seen a girl? Bright eyes, silvery hair, looks exotic?"

Blech, kid looked like total tool.

"You mean the girl with the great ass? Totalllllllllly!"

Whatever else he might've said died as Naruto tossed him into the water himself. Within moments, he was Mosasaur chow.

"Nobody talks about my Indy like that."

"You there!"

"Hmm? What? Nope, wasn't me!" the blond blinked, turning his head rapidly from side to side. A poster was promptly thrust into it. Indy's scowling face stared back at him. Not quite a mugshot, but not a very flattering image, either. The waters of the cove were still a visceral red from where she'd thrown her pursuers to the mosasuar, panicked people still milling about. Well, so much for anonymity.

"Have you seen this girl?" the guard demanded, thrusting the picture of the camera footage at him with renewed force.

Naruto sighed.

"This is not the girl you are looking for." he drawled, waving a hand before the guard's visage, plucking at the strings of his mind. Honestly, it was almost second nature now; the guard's weak mind melted like putty at his touch, easily reshaped and molded to his will. Ah, one simply had to love the classics. The Star Wars universe had taught him well, indeed.

"This...is not the girl I am looking for." the man repeated blandly, his expression turning slack.

"You will forget this ever happened."

"I will forget this ever happened."

"You will now strip to your boxers and break dance like a fool until the sun sets."

"I will-

"Aaaaand that's my cue." Wisely, he walked away long before the man could divest himself of his uniform. Crisis averted, for the time being.

At that very moment, his mind was seriously lamenting his lack of Indy, panicking like any parent wold. The different? She could go on a rampage and start eating people! She'd made him disable her tracker long ago, and he hadn't thought to mark her with another Hiraishin seal after she'd torn the last one off. End result? He'd no way of finding her without going full god mode and revealing himself to the populace. And, as he had just seen firsthand, she didn't take well to being left alone.

Surely she couldn't cause that much trouble...?

* * *

 _"Hi."_

 _"?"_

Rexy stared down at this puny human in her pen, and wondered if she was food. It had just communicated with her. But it wasn't another rex.

 _"Are you what I'm looking for?_ " she warbled, sounding very much like one of her own kind.

Had Rexy possessed lips, she would have frowned.

There it was again.

Odd.

This little sack of meat had somehow wormed its way into her enclosure, and she wasn't rightly sure if it was a meal or not. She'd already had her fill of goat today. Was this a chance to hunt? Lowering her body on her pillar-like legs she dared to sniff at the puny creature standing near her foot. The strange girl didn't so much as budge. Odd. Most meat sacks shrieked and ran when she did that. Both baffled and confused, the massive dinosaur raised her head and inhaled-

 **"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOARGH!"**

The little meat sack didn't take too kindly to being roared at, no she did not.

A growl snaked through those teeth, emerging as a barking snarl.

In the next instant, _another_ rex leered back at her.

 _"Bite me and I will eat you."_ it snarled a challenge.

Rexy bolted upright with a stard, blinking. The rex before her was gone, as though it had never been. All that remained of the Indominus was a muddy footprint. She looked about slowly, finding neither the girl nor the challenger where they had been only moments before. Momentarily, she considered searching for them...

NOPE.

She was getting too old for this shit.

Indy sighed softly to herself as the great beast plodded away. Only once she was certain of its departure did she dare emerge rom the foliage where she had hidden herself. The thought of tangling with another rex had been a frightening one, despite her bluff. This was not what she had sought, and she knew it was time to move on. Once Rexy had departed the enclosed paddock, she followed after her, humming softly. Devouring that duck had done wonders for her mood, it seemed.

It seemed she must search elsewhere. Because that strange presence was still there in the back of her mind, tugging her ever onward. She needed to find it. Whatever it was it was growing stronger now, vibrating upon her very bones, a steady thrum-thrum-thrum sound, like static in her ears.

She paid absolutely no mind to the gaping hole she'd made in the first place...

..nor of the Rex she'd inadvertently loosed on the island.

* * *

Claire Dearing felt her jaw drop as the alerts began pouring in, one after the other.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!"

It would be the beginning of a very, very, VERY long day...

* * *

Naruto was not good at hide and seek.

Not in the least.

Not at all.

He'd always been dismal _-ah hell, he'd sucked royally!-_ at the game even as a child, and that was before he'd become a living deity. He hated chasing after people as a general rule, _especially_ those who didn't want to be found. ESPECIALLY when said someone loosed a Rex on the park! He wasn't even going to ask how or why she'd done it; it was just like her not to give a damn about anything when she was focused on an objective, or hunting.

But this wasn't hunting. Everything she'd done thus far suggested she was _looking_ for something. The chaos in the park was more a result of casual negligence on her part than anything else.

And, as much as he would have LOVED to ride a T-Rex like a bucking bronco, he had better things to do.

Things that involved tracking this little troublemaker down before she burned down half the island! He told himself he could just collect the old rex later if he _really_ wanted to bring a souvenir-because Indy was so much more to him than that-

Indeed, by the time he'd picked up her scent again-nothing else to track her with-her path of carnage seemed almost singular.

"WHERE IN THE HELL IS SHE?!"

He had the most sickening sensation he already knew...

* * *

Indy chirped softly as she pushed the door to the pens open.

 _"Hello."_

Blue squawked in surprise at the sudden noise, wheeling to face this sudden threat. _"Intruder!"_

Indy merely cocked her head, contemplating. Both hands folded behind her back, her amber eyes met those of the raptor, unflinching. Blue squealed, flashing her claws, but the interloper didn't retreat. Instead she took a step forward, arms at her sides. There was something...off about her. Blue didn't know what it was, but it set her on edge. Her every instinct screamed at her to submit or flee outright. This was no mere girl, she knew it somehow, but even so, she couldn't quite place her claw on it.

 _"Are you what I'm looking for?"_ she asked?

Blue paused.

 _"...are you talking to me?"_ she growled back.

Remarkably, the girl answered fluently.

 _"I'm also looking for my father,"_ the hybrid continued calmly, not missing a beat, _"Have you seen him?"_ she was quite proud of herself, really. Years on Isla Sorna had taught her to make use of every bit of her genetic makeup, she could speak as fluently in chirps and growls as she could with words. And now she vocalized her intentions clearly to the pack of raptors before her. _"I need to find him. Will you help me?"  
_

Before Blue could even formulate a response, the rest of the pack arrived, drawn by the commotion.

Swarming out of the undergrowth, snarling and hissing, they moved as one unit to encircle the intruder.

 _"Sisters."_ Indy marveled at the pack, slightly jealous as she made the connection. How nice it must be, to have siblings.

Charlie honked angrily. _"She IS talking about us, isn't she?"_

Delta looked at her like she'd grown a second head. _"I say! What nonsense is this? She sounds like a raptor!"_

 _"She does!"_ Echo huffed in disbelief, stalking forward. _"Oi, you there! We have no idea what you're on about but this is OUR territory! Get out of here!"_ She tried nosing the strange human to get her point across, only for a sharp bark to put her in her place. Fangs flashed in the muggy afternoon and Indy snarled back, bearing her own pearly whites. In he next instant Echo found herself pinned, trapped by those deceptively weak-looking hands, clawed fingers on her throat.

 _"You will not disrespect me!"_ the bark radiated authority. _"You WILL help me!"_

Blue hissed.

Anything else she might've said was cut off by the sound of footfalls on the catwalk above.

"Okay girls, time for-WHAT THE HELL?!"

Owen Grady didn't even have words for what he was witnessing.

He didn't know who this young woman was, where she'd come from, or even how she'd wound up in his paddock when he wasn't looking. Not only was this place off limits from the park-as far off the beaten path as one could get!-but it was guarded by all manner of security. One did not simply "get lost" and wander this far into the restricted area. And yet for all intensive purposes, it seemed that this girl had done just that, evading all the guards and security measures in place.

And she was pinning Echo like it was nothing.

"What are you?"

Indy simply placed a finger to her lips.

"Shhh..."

* * *

"Raptors. No, of course she'd go see the raptors."

Naruto groaned as he recognized the telltale shrieks in the distance. He knew those vocalizations anywhere...and was that the roar of a motorcycle? No no no, probably just imagining things. There was no doubt in his mind where Indy was head now; her meandering path had taken her well into the restricted area and beyond...there was only one thing out here that could possibly be drawing her out...family.

And the worst part?

She was going to learn the hard way...

...sometimes blood doesn't always love you back.

* * *

She'd finally found it.

After what felt like days, but had really only been a few hours, of searching, Indy had finally tracked down the source. This strange sensation that had been pulling on her psyche from the moment she'd set food on the isle, it was here. She was mere moments away from finding the truth of that which was plaguing her so. She was...excited. And all that she needed to do was get inside. Well, that was the easy part. Almost terrifying.

Gulping, she tensed her body, took a running start...

 _...and leaped._

There was absolutely nothing to tell her that she was ascending, then falling besides the fact that her stomach appeared to be making a concerted attempt to relocate to her skull – the sky outside was utterly unmoving from her perspective. Leaning over to look down at her feet and arms she could see a whorled pate of colors shooting by from below as she fell towards the paddock, but the wind was nothing short of eerie.

For a terrifying instant her body was completely weightless, hanging between the heaven and earth. Indy could see her legs flailing wildly beneath her, searching for traction and finding none. Behind her, he was idly aware of disbelieving shout and cries of pure terror. Ohhhh, might've jumped too high. If she landed at the wrong angle...

...not something to look forward too.

A broken neck wasn't something she'd be able to regenerate from, either...

And on the off chance that she _did_ make it without attracting undue attention, she would be alone against what, if her senses were to be believed, was likely a very powerful and very _pissed off_ predator on equal or greater footing with her. In confined quarters no less. Not the most _ideal_ situation in hindsight, but it was the only one that ended with her curiosity satisfied. The exhileration of this sudden lunge pounded in her ears, matching her hammering heartbeat.

In that moment, Indy just couldn't help herself. She whooped!

It felt oddly like flying, albeit without quite the same ride quality. The wind was roaring fiercely in her ears, but somehow her jump was kept level, so rather than let it fall wildly, she arced back at the gaping cell like an arrow loosed from a bow. It wasn't as bad as she'd expected really. It didn't change the fact that she was still falling from well on a mile up with absolutely no way to catch herself, but it was something.

And something was certainly better than nothing.

It suddenly occurred to Indy that she had no way of breaking her fall regardless-whether she made it or not was irrelevant. It was still going to hurt. And it did.

 _Clunk._

In that instant, all of her being focused on stifling the shout that threatened to come roaring out of her throat.

Her shoulder collided violently with the ground as she landed and rolled, popping out then back in again, mud and leaves flashing furiously across her face before she finally rolled to a jarring halt. _Ow! A millions times! Ow!_ All around her she could feel-hear-her world spinning, rushing by, the occasional gasp leaping from her lips as she struggled to process this and the searing pain in her right arm. She allowed herself a brief moment to recover-to savor her triumph-before clamoring back to her feet.

The world was silent around her, holding its breath.

She wasn't sure she should have come here; snuck into this particular pen. But it was here that the scent was strongest, and here that she was determined to have her answers. A thought and she was back in her true body once more, tail thrashing restlessly behind her. It felt good to be back in her scales again, nothing to threaten her, nothing to harm her...

...almost.

Towering walls on either side threatened to stir her claustrophobia all over again, even in her large body she felt small and puny compared to those great towering monoliths. Of course, she could scale the walls at any time in her human form, but the towering spires invoked a strange sense of unease all the same. An irritated snarl snaked between her teeth.

The sudden presence of yet another dominant animal, however, commandeered her attention.

It wasn't long before she spotted the creature, lurking between the branches.

 _"Come out!"_

Branches rustled, and something did.

Everything collapsed down around her as she saw the beast's bulk, met its cold gaze. She could feel it crushing her. Everything was moving so fast. She was drowning in water she couldn't see. Every fear she'd ever had came back to her at once. Monsters surrounded her. Her stomach inverted, her hope shriveled out of existence and her heart caved in.

Indy stared at her "sibling" in disbelief.

At first she felt awe, then shock, followed by fear, that fear swiftly becoming tentative when she saw the dead look in those eyes. Sibling. Sibling. SIBLING! The thought was both her own and not her own, burning like a star in the back of her brain. Thought itself was suddenly an effort, it took everything she had to remember who she was, to concentrate...

Indy glared back at her twin-was it a doppleganger or sibling?-for long several seconds without letting up, veins throbbing visibly in her forehead. Those amber eyes were cast in shadow, and gleaming with baleful lights as she struggled to make sense of this creature. Its angry lips were curled back almost of their own accord, barring her teeth in a decidedly vicious snarl.

 _"What are you...?_

"ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US."

 _...what."_

Another series of snarls and chirps.

"MY HOVERCRAFT IS FULL OF EELS."

 _"Mocked. I...am I being mocked, here?"_ Indy snorted in disbelief, baffled by the creature-her sibling?-odd vocalizations before her. _"You, there! Beast! Erm...sister? Make sense!"_ Its grunts and warbles sounded warped and distorted, by comparison, mindless gibberish that made not a lick of sense besides. She stared at the creature for a long moment, this twin, this reflection of herself. It mirrored her movements, looked just like her, only larger-a good foot longer, deadlier, sleeker. But this...this was her sister! She felt it in her bones! Surely her sibling wouldn't...

"MY-

 _"Quiet!"_ Indy snapped, roaring, and the larger creature cowered as though it had been struck. _"Cease your gibberish!"_

There was a moment of shared silence between them-comprehension, perhaps?-as the two dinosaurs stared one another down. Indy clicked her jaw, irritated. This didn't make any sense. A sibling. She had a sister, or, at the very least, a relative. Why hadn't she been told? Naruto, surely he knew. And yet...he hadn't. They were family. Did that make this creature before her, this addled, dim-witted thing, family? Indy wondered at the idea, at having a sibling like the raptors.

 _"Very good. Now, are you talking to-_

"SOMEONE SET US UP THE BOMB."

An orange eye twitched.

When it stepped forward she retreated. And it advanced again. A seed of dread planted itself in her gut.

 _"Could you please stop-_

 _"THIS IS NOT SPARTA."_ Somehow, the gibberish sounding...menacing. Her "sister" advanced another step more, lowering its head.

There was an awkward silence in the enclosure.

 _"Okay, wha-_

 ** _"RAAARGH!"_**

The attack as as abrupt as it was sudden; before she could finish that thought larger Indominus surged forward, bellowing mightily. Panic gripped her heart in a vice, confusion dulling her reactions. It was in that instant in a blindingly fast move, that her own sibling clamped its massive jaws around her neck. Then there was only pain. Time slowed as she thrashed-struggling against the agonizing vice against her jugular. What? No, that didn't make any sense...they were family...family didn't...

 _"Mine."_

Indominus paused and cocked its head, listening. Its grip slackened, just enough for Indy to write free, headbutting her sibling and driving the larger beast away. Then she was falling, tumbling to the ground, bleeding-a great gout of red-as she clutched at her wounded neck. The wound was healing, but slowly, far too slowly, and her sibling was still oncoming...

 _"Mine mine..."_

Now that Indy listened, she too, heard something.

"Mine mine mine...

And it sounded a lot like...?

...mine mine mine mine...

Indy's eyes teared up.

'Daddy.'

...mine mine mine MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!"

 **CRUNCH.**

The dim-witted creature grunted in surprise as a sparking fist found its face, launching it out of the enclosure and through the plated wall with all the speed of a hellfire missile. Its body tumbled wildly in the air, claws, scrabbling for a handhold and finding none. Skidding across the gravel its tail lashed out out, anchoring its to a tree, slowing its descent as its momentum ground to a halt. Snarling, it roared...

...and something roared back.

"..."

Naruto stood over her and lowered his smoking fist, grinning like a madman. Blue eyes locked on the Indominus _-Diny!-_ smoldering with all the wrath only a god could produce.

 ** _"Mine."_**

* * *

 **A/N: WHAT WILL BE THE FATE OF THE OTHER INDOMINUS?! Reconcilation, or destruction?! VOTE! Note, I'm gonna have to call her DINY, opposite of Indy, since she'd a dim-witted thing. Now, be sure and review!**

 **Regardless, its going to be one hell of a throwdown, as next chapter wraps up this story! And leads onto another one...SO VOTE! VOOOOOOOOTE SO I CAN GET THE CHAPTER OUT!**

 **Aye, this is a short series primarily to show how Naruto both met and "tamed" if you will, Indominus Rex, who will appear later on during his travels. Of course we all know she's a savage beast, but I like to think that she's misunderstood because of her horrible upbringing...just a little...**

 **So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly? Hope you enjoyed the story! And of course, enjoy the preview! Hope it makes ya grin! It also hints at another story...one that's gonna blow your socks off! For those of you who are familiar with Killa, Naruto's pet Xenomorph, well...SURPRISE! ALSO I HAVE IMPROVED UPON THE LAST PREVIEW, WHICH SHALL TAKE PLACE NEXT CHAPTER! BE SURE AND READ IT, I SAY! IT ELABORATES ON A GREAT DEAL OF INFORMATION REGARDING INDY'S EGGS!**

 **(Preview)**

 _Killa hissed._

 _"Mine."  
_

 _Indy hissed right back, glowering up at the towering alien._

 _"MINE."_

 _Naruto facepalmed._

 _"Oi, now..._

* * *

 _"Oh, I've got an idea~!"_

 _"I do not see the point of that." Indy sighed, looking up from her clawed fingers, uncaring as the the deadly razors shifted back to harmless human nails once more, "What could you possibly mean by **-what you doing with my egg?"** Amber eyes watched him intently, never once leaving the prize in his hands. She was wholly protective of her clutch, every one of them Naruto knew; just as he knew she was going to bite his head off if he didn't explain himself posthaste._

 _"Now wait just a second! Don't get all bitey!"_

 _Pearly whites flashed. "Explain yourself."_

 _Her offspring held limitless possibilities; even she herself admitted she didn't truly know what would hatch from the tiny cluster she'd spawned. Naruto's DNA, melded with hers...even a god such as him couldn't predict something like that._

 _"C'mon, its just one egg. I thought I'd go poking around with it."_

 _"'Tis **my** egg." she hissed. "One. Of. Our. Children. Unhand it."_

 _"Reading Shakespeare again, huh?" When her leer didn't abate he deflated with a sigh. "Look, if its that important to you, I'll just conjure up another one from your DNA. After all, we have to do SOMETHING with it. Its not like we could-oh."_

 _"Oh? Oh, what?"_

 _Naruto simply grinned. "I've an idea."_

 _"You already said that."_

 _"Libel! How would you like to meet me when I was first starting out?"_

 _Her head tilted. "I do not see the appeal. I like you as you are; not some powerless weakling. Why would I wish to meet an alternate version of you?"_

 _"I'll take you to my favorite hunting grounds~! Ever heard of the Forest of Death?"_

 _The queen's head whipped around so swiftly he was certain she'd given herself whiplash._

 _Her eyes sparkled like diamonds in the sky._

 _"Truly?!"_

 **WHAT ARE THEY FIGHTING OVER?! VOTE! R &R~! =D**


	6. Bite and Bark

**A/N: I return again my subjects! THE I's have it! Ya'll are getting another chapter! For any wondering, YES I have seen Jurassic World, and I bloody loved it! Indominus Rex was indeed a bloody clever girl, downright remarkable, really. I found that her death was rather sudden, however, amusing as it was.**

 **And when I saw that there were so very few Naruto crossovers with it and all the INSANITY that takes places throughout, well, the gears in my mind got to turning.** **As another note, this is a sort of prequel to the "Not Going Home" series as a whole, chronicling the adventures of our dimension hopping blond.**

 **Therefore, before reading this, I SERIOUSLY suggest you stop and read that, first before venturing into the silliness that is this crack ficlet.**

 **LET THE NEW ERA BEGIN! Also yes, I've purged another few stories as of this mark. Now...**

 **...off we go! I proudly present another chapter for Clever Girl! Its meant to be short and sweet, so I hope ya like it! AND YES, I take some unabashed shots at Jurassic Park Three, here =D And yes, I strongly believe that there was more than one Spino only Isla Sorna. This story reflects that belief. I also credit the brilliant Muddle Not Fiddle by Evilfuzzy9 for inspiring me to do this. Now...**

 **...for reals this time! Hope ya like it! Its nice and long! And the FEELS! Prepare yourself for the funny's AND feels! Its derpy, funny-full of fourth-wall breaking-silly, not to mention filled with drama at the end and...THE RESULT OF YOUR VOTES!**

 **It makes me a little sad, knowing that this story is almost over, now. So...**

 **...onto the story. Despite my sorrows, I play blatant homage to a certain madman/comedian here, after all, I could certainly use a good laugh atm...**

 _"MY TEETH ARE FULL OF EXCITEMENT!"_

 _"Oi, oi, that's not even a thing!"_

 _~Diny and Naruto!_

 **Bite and Bark**

 _Well, I just decked a Rex in the schnoz!  
_

 _Always wanted to do that._

 _Do you have any idea how incredibly GRATIFYING it feels to run up to one of THE most dangerous beasts on earth, look 'er right in the eye, and clobber the hell out of it with your fist? Pretty damn good. I've done some crazy, wacky things in my time traveling across dimensions, but this, by far, has to be one of my favorites. Seriously, how...do you compare to something like that?! Its like riding a shark, strapped with dynamite, into a bloody volcano! IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT!_

 _Now...what the hell was I going about here before I started ranting like a madman? Oh, yeah._

 _Almost forgot._

 _MINE!_

* * *

...mine mine mine MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!"

 **CRUNCH.**

Diny grunted in surprise as a sparking fist found her face, bodily launching her out of the enclosure and through the plated wall with all the speed of a hellfire missile. Her body tumbled wildly in the air, claws, scrabbling for a handhold and finding none. Skidding across the gravel her tail lashed out out, anchoring to a tree, slowing her descent as its momentum ground to a halt. Why...had they hit her?! She didn't understand! Why, why, why, why...WHY?!

Snarling, she roared...

...and something roared back.

"..."

Naruto stood over her and lowered his smoking fist, grinning like a madman. Blue eyes locked on the Indominus _-Diny!-_ smoldering with all the wrath only a god could produce. The creature stood slowly looking over her as if she were nothing more than a slap of wet meat; something to scented, and then devoured. When Naruto finally deigned to speaj, she felt her bones go cold. Fangs flashed brightly in the harsh light of the muggy afternoon great clouds of

 ** _"Mine."_**

Diny actually whimpered...

* * *

...because Diny didn't _understand._

Why did the bad man keep hurting her?

Why...didn't they understand?

What had she done wrong?

Why were they hurting her? What had she done wrong? She'd been so excited to finally have a playmate after all these years; her addled mind had done the first thing she could think of. Used the only tool of interaction available to her, the only way she truly _knew_ to associate herself with her environment.

Namely, her mouth.

She hadn't meant any harm; it had only been a love bite, a nibble. But then the other rex had started crying out, and now she was hurting, and Diny was even more confused than before. Grunts of gibberish and baffled words snaked between her clenched teeth, the words warping wildly as she desperately fought-and failed-struggling to vocalize them. And how could she? She'd never have the need to speak before. The possibility of all her prey-which pretty much amounted to a giant slab of meat-communicating with her was null and void.

But this one looked more sturdy than her last playmate, if smaller. He hit hard, too.

Was he prey, or was he a playmate like the last one?

Alas, Diny din't understand that, either.

She just wanted to play!

And so play she did.

* * *

 _"Whoa!"_

Naruto grunted in surprise when Diny snapped forward with startling speed, loosing an excited yip as she bounded to greet him-and kept right on going. "Um...I think you missed." Sure enough, the larger Indominus all but shot right past him in her enthusiasm; rather, a simple sidestep sent the larger dinosaur skidding harmlessly past for several feet. It was almost funny really, watching her frantically dig those pillar-like legs into the ground, funny as she looked this way, then that...and a little sad.

Didn't she know how to control her own body?

"Hey! Over here!"

Taking pity on the hulking Rex, the blond placed two fingers in his mouth and whistled sharply. She saw him immediately, pirouetting about like a child's spinning top. Well, a top full of deadly teeth, razor sharp claws, and a powerful tail...okay, not a spinning top at all then. She was well capable of inflicting some major hurt if he wasn't careful. By all rights he should be furious with this creature for hurting Indy, should want to tear her into little grey, pasty chunks for what she'd done.

He could see her now, human once more, pressing a pale hand to the wound in her neck only yards away. Regeneration had slowed the blood flow to a mere trickle-and she looked absolutely furious. Her dress was all but ruined, yet, she wasn't crying. Quite the contrary. A thorn of pride pricked at him and drew a grin as she clamored to her feet. Leave it to his girl to recover from a near fatal injury and kick the crap out of the one responsible. Sure enough, she snapped an angry, chittering response at the excited rex.

 _"You blithering idiot! You nearly killed me! Some sibling you are!"_

Naruto tried to maintain a straight face there, he really did.

Even so, he nearly burst out laughing at Diny's response.

 _"MY MANY TEETH ARE FULL OF MUCH EXCITEMENT!"_

The ninja snickered. He couldn't help himself.

"Oi, that's not even a-

 _"EXCITEMENT!"_

"Oomph!"

Too late, her tail cracked out like a whip as she bolted past, catching him, unawares. A whip that struck him full in the chest, shattered _every bone_ in his upper torso, and launched him right back into the enclosure he'd just exited. Deprived of gravity and proper footing, his body skipped like a stone across the ground. It was, in a word, unpleasant.

Seemingly intent on striking every tree, every branch possible before finally slowing, he carved a bloody furrow across the earth. By the time he'd ground to a halt in the undergrowth, he was fairly certain she'd done a healthy bit of damage to his mortal form. An attack like that would've certain killed anyone else, sent them to their maker in an instant. Even with his near immortality, it was quite painful. Downright excruciating really-and why wouldn't it be?!-as his body worked overtime to get him back on his feet. And yet...

...Naruto simply couldn't bring himself to be angry at her.

The horned deity lay there for a long moment, blinking, _frowning_ as his body stitched itself back together; shattered bones flowing like milk inside him whilst his ribs mended. It wasn't the pain that bothered him-oh, no, he'd it was the way she'd hit him. There hadn't been any killing intent behind it, just as with her initial rush. Burning his shroud, he could feel Diny nearly as well as Indy, and all he felt from _her_ was a rush of giddy glee and primitive, nearly stunted emotions. But there, amongst the rest, just out of reach, he felt it. Glee. Almost as if she were...

...playing with him.

 _That's it!_

"Well," he muttered, sitting up, dusting himself off, "she hits hard, I'll give her tha-aaaand now its dark..."

His words trailed off slowly, pausing, as a shadow fell over his head.

Naruto looked up, and found Diny there, towering over him.

Really, in the end, only two words came to mind.

"Sneaky girl."

She barked at him, almost like a giant dog. The scent of rancid meat washed over him like a stale breeze.

 _Yuck._

"Okay, okay," he sighed, raising his hands. "You're excited. I get it. Just calm down now...

Had Diny a face, he was almost certain she'd have been grinning. Her tail thrashed wildly behind her, conveying her excitement. She was seeing all this for the first time he realized; no social upbringing, no family, none of the things Indy had the chance to experience. Like a child, in an adult's body. Or an infant.

Sometimes, facial expressions-nay, body language itself-conveyed more than words ever could. Or in this case, a lack thereof. She wasn't malevolent as he'd first thought; she probably didn't even have the capacity for it. Or much of anything, really. He didn't want to say she was damaged or even mentally challenged, but...well...she certainly wasn't all there, either. A seed of pity planted itself in his chest.

Slowly, tentatively, he extended a hand, reaching for her snout-

-and she promptly bit it off.

And awful silence followed.

And then.

And then:

 _"Eh?"_

Behind him, Indy hissed.

Then, she made a loud, irritated noise.

* * *

 _"We have an asset out of containment! All squads to the restricted zone!"_

Owen took a good, long listen to Claire's frantic voice on the radio-quietly weighed his options-and slowly switched it off. Nope. All kinds of nope. He had no intention of getting involved in this situation. Dinosaurs were already breaking loose all over the island, and after what he'd just seen and witnessed, he had no intention of interfering in the chaos. At least, not yet. His mind was shaken-rattled by the events that'd unfolded before him. Oh sure, part of him yearned to help, but the shock, the sheer shock of having not one but two strangers mess with Blue and the raptors-his raptors!-had shaken him.

He...he just needed a moment. Many moments. And a stiff drink. Maybe not.

Maybe once this whole Indominus debacle was over

After seeing that girl, he didn't think he had the stomach for it anymore. He'd seen the look in those eyes-it hadn't been human.

When you watched a young woman wrestle a raptor to the ground and communicate-dominate!-firsthand, you got a reality check. She'd walked right into his pack without a care in the world and taken control of them with seamless ease. And incredibly, they'd listened to her. There had been a pecking order, a structure of command as they vied for dominance. And then, she'd left the way she'd come, leaping away with ease.

When the other one had come, the raptor squad's reaction had been entirely different. There was no contest from Blue, no challenge out of Charlie, no rowdiness from Echo or Delta. Instead the entire group went submissive, for some strange reason. He'd chattered something and they must've given him the answer he wanted because the _bloody bastard blew a hole in the wall_ and walked right out as if he owned the place. Stranger still, the girls hadn't left. They'd stayed put.

There was, however, one problem.

Blue wouldn't even look at him now. His beta kept circling the paddock restlessly and the rest of the pack with her, almost as if they were afraid to venture out into the wild. Afraid to leave. Afraid to leave him, or simply terrified of going after something that frightened even them? Unbidden he recalled the stranger's odd words to him before he'd departed the paddock. Clever little bastard had snuck right up on him, too...

 _(Flashback)_

 _"Alright girls, feeding ti-_

 _"Beautiful creatures, aren't they?"_

 _"JESUS!"_

 _Owen started violently as, for the second time that day, he rounded the bend to find someone with his raptors. Only this was no girl, it was a man. A man feeding his raptors. A man covered in blood. Vic Hoskin's blood, to be precise. Owen recognized the persistent, portly man in the pen if only because of the ass-ugly shoes he insisted on wearing. Wasn't sorry to see him go, either. He was most sorry however, to learn that once once again someone had snuck in and this time, decided to give the girls a late afternoon snack._

 _"The hell're you?! What did you do?!_ _"_

 _"Do?" his horned head tilted up from below, regarding him on the catwalk. "They were hungry, so I fed them. Its what I do. I do things. I'm a doer. Ah. Good girl." His hand reached out effortlessly, rubbing Blue's head as she dipped down to tear another strip of flesh out of Hoskin's thick hide. No challenge, no snarl. No nothing. Wait, was she purring...? She was! Traitor!_

 _"Yeah, I noticed! Look, I don't know if you mean well or whatever, but I'm in charge of them!_

 _A cold hand of dread draped itself across his neck as though blue eyes bored into him. "Do you feel in charge now, son?"_

 _"Well...when you put it that way..._

 _"I'm looking for someone." the horned man murmured, continuing. "A girl near my age, wearing a dress. Strange. Silver hair. Bright eyes. Have you seen her? Its very important that I get her out of here before things get ugly."_

 _"Yeah, well miss jumps-a-lot went that way." Own sighed, pointing north. "I'm not even going to ask-hey?!"_

 _In a blink the blond was standing before him. Just a blink. One moment he was down in the paddock, the next-POOF! There he was! Today was all sorts of weird!_

 _"Thank you for your cooperation." the man grabbed his arm in a firm handshake, nearly cracking the bones there. "_ _Oh, and one more thing. If you happen to hear any calls for help between now and tonight..._

 _"Yeah?"_

 _Blue eyes met his in warning._

 _"Just stay out of it, Star Lord. I really don't want to kill you, too."_

 _Then he knocked down the damn wall!_

 _(End Flashback)_

Who the hell was Star Lord, anyway?

He'd left him with those words, but would he stick to them? The longer Owen thought about it, the more he began to wonder if he should disregard the stranger's words, if he should, in fact, try to quell the chaos that'd so consumed the park. It was the right thing certain, but he couldn't just leave the girls behind like this, not with a huge honking HOLE in the paddock! His only consolation lay in the fact that _something,_ be it instinct or fear or something else altogethr, seemed to keep them in line. For now...

 _CRASH!_

As if to echo that very thought, Blue stiffened as something echoed in the distance.

Her head swept away towards the opening. Her nostrils flared, inhaling. Scenting.

Then, abruptly, she honked.

Very. Loudly.

Uh-oh.

Charlie echoed the cry, then Delta, Echo...

The blood turned to ice in Owen's veins.

"What're you-

Her head craned back towards him, considering-signalling, perhaps-then towards the newly made exit. Back to him again. Exit. Him. Exit. Another harsh crack of noise resounded throughout the enclosure-punctuated by a harsh roar. No, not a roar...a call. Blue's gaze snapped back to him, and he thought he saw a farewell in those orbs.

"No, no, Blue, don't you dare-

With a determined honk, she took off running.

* * *

Naruto twitched.

A muscle jumped sharp in his jaw, veins pulsing violently in his head as he regarded the severed stump of his right hand, still spurting blood. Blue eyes flicked up to the bloody muzzle before him, narrowing now as Diny swallowed her morsel. Somehow, the hybrid managed to convey absolute innocence despite the sheer savagery of what she'd just done. That massive muzzled cocked aside, regarding him curiously, awaiting a reaction of some sort. Something.

Anything, anything at all.

Moment shot, buried, and tossed in a ditch.

"No." he swatted her on the snout with his good hand, scowling. "Bad girl. No biting."

 _"THIS IS SPARTA!"_

Naruto nearly guffawed. He had no earthly idea what she meant by that, or if he was even translating her muffled grunts and yips correctly, but it sounded strangely like the iconic phrase for some reason. Glancing back at his already regenerating limb, he opened his mouth to speak and-

 _ **"MINE!"**_

-aaaaaaaaaaaaand Indy crashed into her sibling-twin?-with all the force of a cannonball, her smaller body smacking the larger rex away. Of course, Diny just thought it was a game, which did absolutely no good for her sibling. Indy didn't care. Naruto belonged to her and her alone! This...this impostor had no claim on him!

Diny yipped and pounced!

They collided in whirling shapes of gold and grey-white, snapping and snarling at one another. Once more, her sibling thought it was just another game, which only made Indy even angrier, which in turn roused Diny to new heights of hyperactivity, a never-ending loop of tangling teeth and claws and tails. Of course, this got them absolutely nowhere, and only resulted in Indy making an utter fool of herself, to her great charign.

And Naruto laughed.

"Heh. Hehehehehehe..." It started out deep and booming, the cackle of a mad god. "...ehehahahahahaHAHAHAHA!" Then, abruptly, it jumped three octaves, leaping into an insane shriek that left her hair standing on end, her skin rippling in gooseflesh. as his voice skipped into an insane shriek. The clapping didn't certainly didn't help either, the harsh sound of his palms smacking together with a harsh, continuous pop of sound. It was simultaneously the happiest Indy had ever seen him, and the most frightening, terrifying sound she'd ever heard.

Doubling over, he finished with a throaty chuckle.

"Alright, we're done here."

Indy shifted back in sheer disbelief. "What?! No, never!"

"Yes," Naruto nodded patiently, "As in now."

"I WILL NOT-

He had them pinned in two moves.

One step to move forward, and another to grab and knock their skulls together, flattening them against the ground with a heavy "thud" of sound. A second passed, and then another. Another. Another still. Indy dared to crane her head, in spite of the grasp he had on her nose, hissing softly in pained surprise. Because lying next to her was not Diny-well in a sense it was-but also...her. Taller, yet somehow smaller in presence as well. At least, this frail human creature resembled her. Taller, with hair the color of midnight black, deep red eyes fluttering open and shut as though in a daze.

Daring to touch the cheek of this strange, naked creature, she saw herself in its -her!- befuddled eyes, this frail form with its skinny arms, fumbling on the ground without a tail. Just as she had, once. She found herself suddenly struck by the urge to embrace her former adversary, her once former nemesis, her...

 _Sister._

This time, the thought made her eyes water.

"You were saying?" Naruto hummed, sounding quite smug with himself.

...I surrender." all the fight drained right out of her in an instant.

Diny chuffed softly in agreement, moaning. Words didn't come to her.

...you derpy girl." Naruto sighed, chuckling hoarsely as he rubbed her dirty head with his battered hand. "You're just a big softie, ain't ya! To think, I almost killed you!"

Diny warbled weakly, her voice emerging as a tiny croak. "My feels...

Naruto and Indy fell silent for a long moment.

Then, incredibly, Indy felt herself giggle.

"Look," Naruto sighed, "We're really going to have to do something about the way you talk...

 _Clack._

The click of loaded rifles filled the air, killing those words dead.

"Don't move!"

"Oh, boy." Naruto hummed. "Looks like the boys in blue finally arrived! I was _wondering_ what took you lot so long." Indy didn't see him so much as twitch in the direction of the men and women pointing assault rifles at them; if anything, he seemed inordinately pleased by the newcomers, and the potential prospect of slaughter. Loosely, he raised a hand, touching at the air between them and the shooters. Indy watched it, curiously as it rippled, slowly unwinding itself in tiny, thin threads.

Then, Naruto started laughing again.

"Return the specimen at once!" one of them demanded.

Naruto only laughed harder.

"You actually think you can stop me." blue eyes blinked slowly, balking in disbelief. "My kid _flattened_ your park, and somehow, someway, you think you can stop me with bullets. You know, it'd be funny if it weren't so pathetic...oh what the hell." he shrugged, guffawing. "I'll laugh anyway! BAHAHAHAHAHA!"

An explosive cackle leaped from his lips in the same instant that they opened fire...

...and none of them hit their mark.

Instead, a massive black shape resolved itself into existence between him and the gunfire. Bullets flattened harmlessly against its skin.

"Funny thing," the blond hummed thoughtfully, brushing a bit of dust off his coat as the dark creature unfolded itself from around him with a heart-stopping hiss, "Did you know how many shots you _wasted_ just now? I do. Too many. Who taught you how to aim? It's simple really; you scream, aim, and fire. Its not rocket science, kiddies! But then again...

...neither is he."

Indy balk as a towering form unfolded itself from her alpha, long tail thudding harshly against the ground. A long, elongated head cocked in the direction of the bullets. A lipless maw peeled back to reveal clenched teeth dripping with visicuous slime, great gobs of acid dripping into the road and causing to smolder harshly. It was a beast unlike anything she'd ever seen; because it was not natural, and it terrified her.

"F-Fire!" the squad commander sputtered! "ALL UNITS OPEN FIRE!"

More bullets spattered harmlessly across his skin, flattening themselves against hardened chitin and bone. Killa simply hissed in annoyance, the larger warrior alien shrugging off the assault fire as though they were naught but stinging gnats. A ripple of fear passed through the troops like water.

Then Killa hissed.

"Mine."

Indy hissed right back, glowering up at the towering alien.

"MINE."

Diny tilted her head, red eyes blinking slowly as her addled mind struggled to comprehend it all. _"Mine?"_

Naruto facepalmed.

"Oi, now...

Naruto only laughed harder.

"Now now, come on, boys! No need for long faces! We're all friends here, right? Oh, whoopsie," Killa's claws flicked like knives toward's the nearest soldier's throat, and in the next instant, the scent of blood filled the air. Indy blinked, starting as a violent spurt of red gore spattered across her face. "We're not!" Naruto laughed like a merry jester as he spun away, catching the man's severed head in hand. "I'm going to disembowel the lot of ya and feed you to my kids! Who wants to be next?! Aw, no takers?"

Silence pervaded in the enclosure.

"It's pathetic. Just like Gotham. One madman threatens your lives, the next, you're all pissing yourselves, just to survive! C'mon now, anyone?"

And then, something chirped.

Indy stiffened, neck craning in the direction of the noise.

Not a moment later, Blue burst through the undergrowth. Swiftly joined by Echo, then Delta, and last but not least, Charlie herself. For a heartstopping second they lingered and then, they darted towards not Naruto, as she had suspected they might, but her. Indy detected the distinct scent of urine on the wind. It seemed that some of their would be killers were quite literally soiling themselves.

What a lovely day.

"Well, look at this!" Naruto looked all of three seconds from bursting into an inane fit of giggles she realized; that was precisely how pleased he was. "Hey, now the gang's all here." he chortled softly, spinning on a heel to address the remaining guards -corpses!- who still, incredibly, held their ground against these terrors assembled before them. "Which leaves us with one last question, my dear meatbags. Why. So. Serious?" he finally succumbed with a laugh, clapping his hands. "C'mon now, all together, everyone...

...Lets put a smile on their faces!"

With a shriek, they pounced!

* * *

 **A/N: THE RESULTS ARE IN! DINY LIVES! NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE!**

 **Aye, this is a short series primarily to show how Naruto both met and "tamed" if you will, Indominus Rex, who will appear later on during his travels. Of course we all know she's a savage beast, but I like to think that she's misunderstood because of her horrible upbringing...just a little...**

 **So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly? Hope you enjoyed the story! And of course, enjoy the preview! Hope it makes ya grin!**

 **PLEASE!**

 **(Preview)**

 _Diny cocked her head considering, ebon tresses bouncing from the motion._

 _Why she was fascinated with it was beyond him, such things were the mysteries of the universe._

 _"Mine." she decided at last._

 _Naruto sighed. "Diny, that is a puppy. You cannot have a puppy. You will EAT it when I'm not looking."_

 _Her glare intensified as she clutched the little ball of fluff to her chest._

 _"MINE."_

 **WHAT ARE THEY FIGHTING OVER NOW?! VOTE! REMEMBER NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE AND ITS GONNA BE NUTS!**

 **R &R~! =D**


	7. Bites and Ice Cream

**A/N: HUZZAH MY DUCKLINGS HAVE FINALLY HATCHED! Now I have two little baby quackers to take care of and they are so bloody CUTE! So happy right now...**

 **...alright, moment of glee over!**

 **I return again my subjects! THE I's have it! Ya'll are getting another chapter! For any wondering, YES I have seen Jurassic World, and I bloody loved it! Indominus Rex was indeed a bloody clever girl, downright remarkable, really. I found that her death was rather sudden, however, amusing as it was.**

 **And when I saw that there were so very few Naruto crossovers with it and all the INSANITY that takes places throughout, well, the gears in my mind got to turning.** **As another note, this is a sort of prequel to the "Not Going Home" series as a whole, chronicling the adventures of our dimension hopping blond.**

 **Therefore, before reading this, I SERIOUSLY suggest you stop and read that, first before venturing into the silliness that is this crack ficlet.**

 **LET THE NEW ERA BEGIN! Also yes, I've purged another few stories as of this mark. Now...**

 **...off we go! I proudly present another chapter for Clever Girl! Its meant to be short and sweet, so I hope ya like it! AND YES, I take some unabashed shots at Jurassic Park Three, here =D And yes, I strongly believe that there was more than one Spino only Isla Sorna. This story reflects that belief. I also credit the brilliant Muddle Not Fiddle by Evilfuzzy9 for inspiring me to do this. Now...**

 **...for reals this time! Hope ya like it! Its nice and long! And the FEELS! Prepare yourself for the funny's AND feels! Its derpy, funny-full of fourth-wall breaking-silly, not to mention filled with drama at the end and...THE RESULT OF YOUR VOTES!**

 **It makes me a little sad, knowing that this story is coming to a close, now. So...**

 **...onto the story. Despite my sorrows, I play blatant homage to a certain madman/comedian here, after all, I could certainly use a good laugh atm...**

 **Speaking of this series, a fan of mine, Hail Lord Archanfel, has suggested something:**

 **Subject: Clever Girl**

 **I just had an idea. The Misadventures of Diny and Indy. A story about the girls when Naruto isn't around. It have chapters about Indy trying to get her sister used to everyday things like staying dressed. Or another chapter of them trying to get driver's licenses (Piccolo and Goku style).**

 **And personally, I think it would quite easy for you to accomplish given that you've already gotten their characters made and fleshed out.**

 **Bonus idea: Killa's Grand Day Out**

 **Whaddya think, guys? Should I go for it? One last thing...**

 **...THIS CHAPTER PULLS OUT ALL THE STOPS! Also, I credit Alien Resurrection for a certain scene here...**

 _"Why did you give me this ring? I fail to see the purpose of such a device. Why does it go on my finger?"_

 _"Ugh...you really are lost when it comes to human customs, ain'tcha? Look, I gave you the ring 'cuz-"_

 _"Oooh, shiny~!"  
_

 _"Diny, don't you DARE!"_

 _~Naruto, Indy, and Diny~!_

 **Bites and Ice Cream**

 _VIVA LA SLAUGHTER!_

 _Always wanted to say that._

 _You know, there's something incredibly gratifying about turning the tables on your enemy. Take that last moment in Ex Machina when Ava-and you'll be hearing about the rest of_ that _little journey veeery soon!-escapes and stabs the crap out of her captor for imprisoning her all those years. WATCH IT. This is one of those moments. The difference being? Blood. Lots of blood. And dinosaurs. Plenty of those, too. Sharp, pointy teeth and bullets knives and guns galore._

 _But then again, we're not dealing with an AI here, are we. No no no, compared to THAT adventure, this is a cakewalk by comparsion._

 _Regardless, its been one hell of a ride! I've done everything I've wanted to in this universe and more, even found myself a strange little family despite my best efforts not to. So, say it with me folks, lets PUT A SMILE on their faces, one last time, the only way we know how!_

 _With gratuitous, bloody, violence! By unleashing every madman I've ever met and bringing out my favorites!_

 _Also..._

 _...VIVA LA SHARP POINTY THINGS!_

* * *

"FLY MY PRETTIES! FLY! Kill all the guys! LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!"

Naruto cackled wildly, whistling a merry tune as he waded into the massacre, arms spread wide. There was certain beauty to be beheld in the bloody carnage unfolding around him; he felt as though he could break out into song trained or not, most men simply weren't prepared for the eventuality of a raptor attack. You couldn't train for that sort of thing. Toss in a xenomorph, a pair of jurassic girls and you had a massacre waiting to happen. Why, add a few missiles and just a couple of psycopaths and it was Arkham all over again!

Oh, wait...

 _"Aaaaah!"_ A good ol fashioned Willhelm scream-his favorite!-arced through the air as another mangled body sailed across his path. Sidestepping the tumbling corpse, he waltzed up to a sniper, lurking on the edge of the fray and tapped him upon the shoulder. "Moshi, moshi? Anyone there?" A helmeted head tilted in that direction, jerking in surprise as a fist tore that helmet free-

"Eat! Boom! Stick!"

-and mere moments later, bludgeoned him to death with his own weapon.

When another actually dared to shoot in his direction, he simply flowed around the bullets, walked up behind the poor sod, and stabbed him in the back. Armored vests simply weren't made to stand up to something like the Vorpal Blade. Handy little thing. He'd have to thank Alice for that when he got the chan-

 _"Missile lock, you monster."_

GLADO'S voice chirped through his headset a split second before the blast hit. Naruto spun, just in time for the explosive cylinder to fill his vision. He was already moving, already dodging, when he saw Blue and Indy a ways behind him-the true recipients of the projectile. In the time that it took him to realize this, his body had already moved of its own accord, thrusting itself back into the path of the rocket-propelled-grenade.

One word pushed past his lips.

 _"Shit."_

Then he could only grunt in surprise as the concussive blast ripped him from his feet and tossed him across the forest floor.

* * *

 ** _THOOM!_**

Indy felt the explosion as giant slap across her face; as if an angry god had reached down and flattened her with his hand.

A.

Hot.

Fiery.

 _Hand._

Fire lanced up her side as she tumbled to the ground in a heap, parts of her dress-already bloodied and soiled from so many kills and her relentless running-smoldered away at the hip, exposing a long, muddied leg, her shin scraping painfully across stones. Somewhere ahead of her, she thought she saw a brightly colored shape streak across her vision.

A terrible, awful thought plucked at her heartstrings.

...Naruto?"

Another explosion hit.

Her ears rang madly, the world swimming around her in shades of black and white. She touched a hand to the side of her face and it came away bloody; her eardrums had burst beneath the force of the explosion. Even now she could feel the delicate inner workings of her inner ears stitching themselves back together. She tried to stand, but her legs betrayed her. For a horrific hell, she couldn't find her balance. Helpless as a hatchling, she could only lay there, groaning in pain.

And in that moment, the muzzle of a gun pressed itself to the side of her head. Indy stiffened.

Raised her gaze.

A man stood over her, holding a rife in quivering hands. His mouth flapped, but no sound emerged.

"Don't move!" she read his lips. Saw his finger tighten on the trigger, the trigger that would put a bullet in her skull-

And then he spasmed.

Gored, like a pig on a spit.

The man choked, sputtering on his own blood.

A bright, scarlet hand thrust itself through his stomach in a shower of bright red gore, fingers wriggling like mad insects. As she looked on another hand joined the first, thrusting itself through the soldier's abdomen with almost primitive ease. The man juddered and shuddered violently, blood frothing at his lips as a mop of dark, messy hair rose behind him. Then the hands clenched-closed-almost casually, as if they'd just lost interest in their victim...

...and ripped.

With a revolting-yet also slightly exciting for Indy-spatter, the man toppled.

Snarling, she picked herself up, just in time to see _Diny_ disembowel the unlucky soldier who'd tried to shoot her in the first place, ripping her arms free-clinging to his back like some kind of inane primate. Riding him to the ground with a laugh she performed a small flip, landing neatly on his spine and pulling savagely on the gaping hole she'd created. Still holding tight, she held out his intestines, gawping at their bright, red color with the curiosity only one of her kind could possess. A tiny grin alighted on her pale, blood-speckled face.

"Pretty."

Indy nearly choked on her own spit.

Then Diny saw her.

"..." Her sibling stared back at her for a long, terrifying moment of eternity, those bright red eyes reflecting nothing, like a blank, empty pool. She glanced to her victim, back to Indy. Corpse. Indy. Her expression glazed over, becoming almost childlike as she dismounted from his back. Then she grinned and _pounced._

"SISTER!"

Indy yelped!

"Wha-get off of me, you loon!"

* * *

Manwell settled down on the ledge, taking aim.

He was a good sniper, one of the best, top of his class.

He'd taken this job once he'd been discharged from the navy, if only because it was one of the only places where he had free range to shoot first, ask questions later. It certainly paid better than mercenary work. Asset out of containment? Shoot it. Rampage in the park? Shoot it. Simple, that way. Simple meant easy, and easy meant easy to kill.

This was not simple.

Today was so far beyond simple, he didn't even know what to call it anymore. One girl had let loose half of the park's exhibits already. Dinosaurs were turning into freaking _people_ -way above his pay grade-and as if that weren't bad enough, now they had a pack of bloodthirsty raptors and some freaky alien genotype to deal with? Not to mention the walking juggernaut! Had that last missile finally taken him out?

"Command," he began slowly, fixing his scope on the girls, "I have them in my sights. Permission to shoot?"

No response, none at all.

"Command?"

Static.

Frowning, he spoke again.

"Is there anyone left on this channel?"

Nothing.

When next he looked, Ind and Diny had vanished from his scope, gone back into the thick smoke of battle. Clever Girls. He didn't know where they'd gone, but he wasn't about to stick around and find out. Anyone who could tear someone like Richard in half wasn't one he wanted to trifle with. Best to take aim at something that would die after the first round.

"Fuck it," he decided, taking aim at the raptors, "I'll just kill the little bitches instead."

A hand settled on his shoulder, cold as ice.

 _"Would you care to repeat that, you son of a bitch?"_

 **"...!"**

Manwell spun, snagging the pistol from its holster and slamming a shot, point blank into his attacker's stomach. Impossibly, he missed. MISSED! A grunt answered him instead and in the next instant, a fist slammed into his unprotected skull. The sudden attack spun him away from his rifle, sending him staggering to his feet. A hand snapped into his face, and he slapped it away, scything his adversary's legs out from underneath him, only for a pair of strong arms to grab and drag him down with his unknown assailant.

Tumbling in the dirt, he came face to face with his foe...

...and it wasn't who he expected.

"Owen?" he gawped. "What the fuck-

 _WHAP!_

He got no further than that as a fist slammed up under his chin, knocking him senseless. Once. Again. Twice. Again. Three times the raptor wrangler struck him, clenched knuckles slamming into Manwell's face with a violent repetition until the man finally lost consciousness. Owen Grady stood with a grunt, rubbing his sore knuckles. Damn. Man had a face like concrete. He'd be feeling the bruises tomorrow, but he'd live. Muttering softly to himself, he dared to risk a glimpse at the raging massacre below.

"Don't shoot my raptors, man." he grumbled, tossing the rifle down the ravine.

"Technically," a new voice chimed, "They're _my_ raptors now."

Owen groaned, cocking his head as a new figure landed beside him.

His robes ragged and tattered, covered in soot from head to toe, the horned deity shook himself mightily and spread his arms wide, as though he were welcoming an old friend. Owen wanted to shove him down into the ravine to join the rifle, but he held himself in check, if only just.

"Miss me, Star Lord?" the blond grinned.

"Oh. Great. You're still alive. And stop calling me that!"

"Disappointed?" came the challenge.

"A little, yeah."

"Whatcha gonna do about it?"

So he did the first thing that came to mind.

He punched that sonofabitch in the face.

Hard.

That smile didn't fade.

"An admirable attempt," Naruto hummed, staggering back, rubbing at his jaw, "But if its any consolation...that hurt like hell. And it wasn't very nice." he hummed, dusting himself off, "I do believe your buddy killed my favorite outfit with that missile of his earlier, and I remember telling YOU to stay out of this. So, how are you going to compensate me?"

Owen opened his mouth to answer-

Another missile arced out at them from the brush; this one _Naruto_ redirected with thought, sending it streaking away into the park. A small mushroom cloud answered moments later. Naruto cringed, his face lit orange as a wave of heat exploded into the evening, the subsequent rush of fire giving everyone pause. Blue paused and offered a disparaging squawk of disbelief, echoed by Delta and the others.

 _Oops._

"Gotta watch that." the deity muttered, his face puckering in a scowl. "Collateral damage is a big no-no in my book...ah, who am I kidding. This is nothing new for me." Grady could barely find any of his own words for what he'd just seen, for what he _was_ seeing; could only twitch as he watched the flames begin to spread across the island, unchecked. Naruto observed the unintentional blaze with the idle curiosity one might show an anthill before trampling upon it.

"How did you...

...fuck you, that's how. Killa!" Placing two fingers to his lips, he whistled sharply.

 _"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssss!"_

Scarce had he done so than a massive black shape came lurching up between them, pounding out of the smoke like a giant black, chitinous wall. Grady took one look at the beast and nearly passed away outright. What in the nine circles of hell was that?! For a terrifying beat it towered over him, looming, drooling. Oh. Acid drool. Lovely. And was that a second mouth within.

And then, Naruto spoke.

"Sick 'em."

Oh hell no...wait, what was he pointing at?

Dispassionately, Naruto reached around and indicated Manwell's prone body, his intentions clear. Killa offered a rasping chirp in response and, shouldering Owen aside, plodded over to the soldier's still form. Then, in a move as swift as savage, the xenomorph reached down, took hold of his face and with a violent twist of its thick wrists, break the shooter's neck. A violent crack resounded, then that curved, chitinous head tilted in his direction, awaiting further instruction.

"Good boy." Naruto nodded. "Back to work."

Killa uttered a chittering hiss, the closest sound to a laugh he could make, and darted back into what remained of the fray. Owen collapsed soon thereafter, his knees gone to jelly. Distantly, he heard the screams of the remaining guards, but he couldn't get the image out of his mind. That ebon terror looming over him, maw, splitting wide, exposing the tiny mouth within _...ugh!_

"You...bastard." he wheezed out, clutching at his hammering heart. "You absolute, insufferable...bastard."

Naruto's smug smile remained decidedly trollish, he thought, as the last of the screams died away. All that remained now was the silence, and it was into this silence that he spoke. "Whaaaat, you thought I wanted him to kill you? Why would I do that? I'd never kill someone as epic as Star Lord. I mean let's face it, you're just too awesome to kill off."

"Will you PLEASE stop-

Before he could further protest this undue treatment a pair of grey and white blurs cannoned through the smoke, slamming into the blond from behind, slamming him into the soul. Unbidden, he recognized one of them-the one in the tattered white dress-her eyes dancing like mad, amber flames. Her companion was an utter mystery to him, dark hair hiding a shy visage that seemed to take shelter in the shadow of the other. _Her_ arms closed around Naruto in a fierce embrace, holding tightly.

"YOU'RE ALIVE!"

"Oi now, you know I don't die easily...we still have the final boss to deal with, remember?"

Indy hissed, at the thought, her eyes going slitted.

"Where is the one responsible for this?!" She demanded. "She must pay."

Owen apled.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you mean Claire? She's not-

Naruto smiled, his palm descending mercilessly on the back of the wrangler's head, sending him into the bliss of slumber. "Oops." he blinked. "My hand slipped."

"Why do we delay?!" Indy demanded. "Every second we spend here is another she could use to escape!"

"Don't worry." Naruto weathered the outburst with a small smile.

"Why?"

Impossibly, she saw his smile broaden.

"I have an old...

...friend looking after her."

Indy blinked.

"You have friends?"

"HEY!"

* * *

Claire Dearing was losing her mind.

She had to be, because the alternative was unacceptable.

BECAUSE all of her guards, friends, technicians, and coworkers had been slaughtered to a man.

By!

One!

 _ **MAN!**_

Simon Masrani lay facedown on the floor only yards away, drowning in a pool of his own blood. And the only thing keeping her from the same fate was this panic room and a thick sheet of security glass. She'd clamored in here when the shooting had started-shoved, really by Simon-just as all hell had broken loose. Now she was alone, staring at their dead bodies and wondering how in the **_hell_** she was going to get out of here with her body-let alone her sanity-intact.

This didn't make any sense!

How could someone, anyone, walk in with a pistol and kill everyone?!

"See," their killer chimed, wiping a bit of blood from his purple suit, _"This_ is how we did it my day. Wham, bam, thank-you-ma'am! None of that grandstanding the younger generation seems so fond of." Approaching the glass, he raised a hand...

"Hello?" a gloved fist tapped merrily at the wall, politely knocking for admittance." Anyone in there?" the poor woman flinched slightly, cowering, as a white, pallid, bloodied face painted in a Glasgow grin thrust itself up against the glass, cackling wildly. "Come on now dear, let me in!" he catcalled, grinning malevolently. "I'm no dinosaur. I won't bite...much!"

Claire shook her head fiercely, the motion tossing her auburn hair side to side.

Her tormentor scowled

"Fine, then. We'll do this the hard way."

Irritated, he snatched up an assault rifle off the floor and opened fire, the bullets ringing harmlessly off the glass. The weapon clicked empty moments later and he tossed it away, glowering.

"Bah," came the annoyed mutter, "Kids these days, no sense of humor. None at all! So, you're the strong and silent type, eh? Think you're safe behind that glass? Give me twenty minutes and a can opener and I'll have you whimpering like a school girl. YOU MIGHT LIKE IT!"

"Oh, leave her be, Joker!"

For a moment, one blessed moment, she almost dared to hope that someone had come to rescue her. Owen, maybe. Wrong. Instead, Uzumaki Naruto rounded the corner, and she felt her blood run cold. The same man they'd caught on the camera all those years ago, flanked now by two girls she didn't recognize and...was that a smile on his face. Oh lord, it was. Everything in her quailed at the sight and she felt her heart shrivel up in an instant.

"Ah, and there he is!" The now-named "Joker" laughed merrily and spun in a chair, waving his newly acquired weapon. "And here I thought you were going to miss all the fun. C'mon now, help me cut this thing open!"

Naruto sighed. "Or we could just do...

 _...this."_

As she looked on the blond stepped right through the wall, steel and glass sundering behind him. Matter and substance simply parted, reality itself bending away from him to create a space in the panic room. Claire did a small jump and clamored backwards, but there was nowhere to go. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

No escape.

"My bad! Introductions. Always the best part of any conversation. Name's Naruto. It rhymes with...well." He paused, blinking, touching a finger to his chin. "Come to think of it, I don't think it rhymes with anything. Ah, but I digress. I see you've met the Joker.

The Clown Prince of Crime bowed merrily.

"Tell me my dear, have you ever had a really, bad, day?" impossibly, that malevolent smile grew. "You're about to."

"You come in here, destroy our security systems-

 _"Disabled."_ The blond corrected, raising a pointed finger. "And for the record? I had nothing to do with that. Indy, now, she's to blame for your little fiasco. Suppose its what I get for letting her wander around. Leave her be for a few seconds an BOOM! Everything explodes. Sort of like that bit about the hydrogen bomb." A small explosion of confetti exploded over Claire's head even as he said this, grinning. "Not like we're jumping the shark here, " Sure enough, a miniature version of the legendary JAWS itself appeared to smack her upside the face, "We can be friends and talk this out."

An eye twitched.

Naruto couldn't help himself, he started laughing all over again!

"Ah, that never gets old! I could do this all day! Although, I feel like I've already done this shtick before...

"Stop doing that! You can't attack me with puns!"

"I'm a god, babe!" Naruto cackled, clapping his hands together happily, clasping them. His very eyes seemed to spin like mad marbles. "Puns and bullets and pointy things, oh, yes I can! I'm running the show now, and this is just the tip of the spear! Now, a riddle. I'm hot and I'm cold, if you fear me, you must never be bold. What am I?"

"Um...

"Death."

He stepped aside, and Indy stepped in to fill the gap.

Diny furtively tried to duck behind her sibling but, being a good head taller than Indy, this proved an exercise in futility. Her sibling cocked her head at Claire, regarding the woman with hooded eyes. THe sheer fury in those matchless orange-crimson orbs shook something loose in Dearing, then, loosening her tongue enough to speak.

"Um...

"Why, don't you recognize her?" Naruto inquired.

Clair could only shake her head, mute.

They deity scoffed.

"Indy?"

In an instant, she shifted.

And Claire _screamed._

The Inodminus Rex towered over her with a howl, its bulk filling the room all the way to its vaulted ceiling, snarling furiously. Then she reverted, leaving the woman a gibbering wreck.

"I...you...how...

"You poked and prodded her before she was ever born, and then, when I took her away from you, you let your techs go an' do the same to her sibling. Her _sister."_ He admonished, shaking his head like a disappointed parent. "You took that one, and made her a monster, broke her in so many ways that even _I_ ain't sure I can fix them all. You did all this in the name of your so-called science and didn't think that this would go wrong? What's up with that, eh, doc?"

Frantic, she scrambled backwards but to no avail, the quartet had her pinned, hemmed in, away from the door. There was nowhere to go.

"Even _I'm_ not that cruel." Joker protested. Then he paused, blinking. "Ah. Wait, I am!"

"See," he continued, leaning close, whispering conspiratorially to Claire, "This is always my favorite part...that last, fleeting second before all hell breaks loose! Any last words? No? Just a squeak? Not even a goodbye to your precious nephews?" that grin didn't diminish in the slightest. "Pity. I hear losing a member of the family is _so_ scarring..."

Naruto sighed, pinching his nose. "Remind me why I haven't killed you again?"

"Oh, Foxy, I'm hurt!" the jester clutched at his heart in faux agony. "Think of all the good times we've had together since Origins! The buildings we've destroyed! The pranks we've played! Remember all the smiles! Face it, you'd be bored to death without me!"

...point."

"HA!"

The shot seemed to come from nowhere; one moment the Joker was laughing, the next, his hand snapped up, and she was bleeding in the arm. Pain. In her shoulder. Bullet. Shot. The words and thoughts came slowly, even as her life leaked slowly away between her fingers. Red stained white, bleaching the pristine garment scarlet.

Claire swallowed thickly as they closed in.

In one last, desperate attempt, she sought to plead her case.

"Please, you have to understand! We never meant to-

Indy struck, her arm darting out with the speed of a cobra as she latched onto the doctor's throat. Claire's voice was cut off in midword.

Before she could even register what was happening she was off the table, marching the flailing woman across the room, shoving her roughly against the wall. Claire's face was bright red; she couldn't draw air at all. She could only gape, wide-eyed, as the young woman who'd sat like a mannequin through the entire discussion erupted into violence. And then she spoke.

"Didn't mean to?" it was a hiss. "What, exactly, didn't you _mean_ to do?! Experiment on me?! My sister?! MY _ **FAMILY?!"**_

Grasping Claire's throat with one hand, she lifted the senior administrator a foot off the floor with minimal effort. Still, her mind remained frozen in horror. Her face began to turn blue, her lips drawn back in a grinning rictus, her feet kicking ineffectually against the wall. Indy was throttling her with both hands now, as she gasped and grasped and _clawed_ at her wrists, fighting, struggling, her efforts useless. Do something! Her brain shrilled, but it was no use; with each passing second that vice tightened, fingers like iron digging into her windpipe.

Indy's eyes weren't passive slits anymore. They were wide, all-seeing, enraged, burning. The eyes of a beast, trapped in the body of a girl.

"Don't play with your food." Naruto admonished. "We're on a tight schedule."

The sound seemed to activate Claire; she struggled desperately, finally breaking Indy's hold. She fell hard and scrambled to get away but the Indominus pounced on her like a cat toying with a mouse already slated for dinner. Her long legs scissored around Claire, squeezing the air from her lungs, as she pinned her shoulders to the floor. Claire clawed the floor in a feeble attempt to escape, but Indy never noticed, just kept strangling the life out of her victim.

With the last of her strength, Claire managed to rasp:

"Stop...her...!"

Naruto's face swung into view, frowning.

"Stop her? Why?" his voice drifted to her as though through a red haze warped and distorted, her body frozen as she watched him place the explosives around the command console. "You deserve this. You always have. Don't worry; you're nephews get to live. You should be happy! Oh, wait-

Distantly, she heard something snap.

"Goodbye, Claire."

Even then, she didn't die.

Not immediately.

"Well, that was fun." Naruto hummed. "Very cathartic. I think we're all satisfied, here."

"I want ice cream."

"Ah, and so Diny speaks!"

The last thing she heard was a distant conversation, helpless as the life bled away from her. She saw booted feet walking away, detected a distant, relieved sigh. Indy clamored off her, spitting. Somewhere over the din of everything exploding, she'd just be able to make out a few last words, snatches laughter leaking through her ears.

"Ice cream it is!"

And then everything went black.

* * *

 _(Three weeks later...)_

* * *

"Oh, I've got an idea~!"

"I do not see the point of that." Indy sighed, looking up from her clawed fingers, uncaring as the the deadly razors shifted back to harmless human nails once more, "What could you possibly mean by **-what you doing with my egg?"** Amber eyes watched him intently, never once leaving the prize in his hands. She was wholly protective of her clutch, every one of them Naruto knew; just as he knew she was going to bite his head off if he didn't explain himself posthaste.

Diny perked up, only to duck under the table at her sibling's venemous expression.

"Now wait just a second! Don't get all bitey!"

Pearly whites flashed. "Explain yourself."

Her offspring held limitless possibilities; even she herself admitted she didn't truly know what would hatch from the tiny cluster she'd spawned. Naruto's DNA, melded with hers...even a god such as him couldn't predict something like that.

"C'mon, its just one egg. I thought I'd go poking around with it."

"'Tis **my** egg." she hissed. "One. Of. Our. Children. Unhand it."

"Reading Shakespeare again, huh?" When her leer didn't abate he deflated with a sigh. "Look, if its that important to you, I'll just conjure up another one from your DNA. After all, we have to do SOMETHING with it. Its not like we could-oh."

"Oh? Oh, what?"

Naruto simply grinned. "I've an idea."

"You already said that."

"Libel! How would you like to meet me when I was first starting out?"

Her head tilted. "I do not see the appeal. I like you as you are; not some powerless weakling. Why would I wish to meet an alternate version of you?"

"I'll take you to my favorite hunting grounds~! Ever heard of the Forest of Death?"

The queen's head whipped around so swiftly he was certain she'd given herself whiplash.

Her eyes sparkled like diamonds in the sky.

 _"Truly?!"_

 _And thus, a new adventure began._

 **A/N: THE RESULTS ARE IN! DINY LIVES! THIS CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE! THANK YOU ALL FOR ENJOYING THIS LONG, WONDERFUL RIDE WITH ME!**

 **Aye, this is a short series primarily to show how Naruto both met and "tamed" if you will, Indominus Rex, who will appear later on during his travels. Of course we all know she's a savage beast, but I like to think that she's misunderstood because of her horrible upbringing...just a little...**

 **So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly? Hope you enjoyed the story! Hope it made ya grin! AND HERE BE A PREVIEW FOR ANOTHER STORY! THE MARVELOUS MISADVENTURES OF DINY AND INDY! THIS'LL BE A REALITY IF YA'LL WANT TO SEE IT! THAR BE THREEEEEEE!**

 **(Preview)**

 _Indy blinked, admiring the gold band on her finger with some trepidation._

 _"Why did you give me this ring? I fail to see the purpose of such a device. Why does it go on my finger?" Naruto sighed, rubbing his face. He'd taken to doing that a lot lately. He was still alpha, but there had been a bit of a disconnect between them as of late. Less and less she saw him as father, and more as leader. Commander. Mate. More and more she enjoyed strange things, physical things; things such as sitting near him, letting him massage her shoulders, letting him TOUCH her, wanting to BE touched..._

 _She didn't understand these urges. They baffled her so._

 _So did the ring."_

 _"Ugh...you really are lost when it comes to human customs, ain'tcha?" Holding up his own hand, he slid another, matching band onto it. "Look, see? We match. I gave you the ring BECAUSE in human customs, a ring is a sign of marriage. Remember that word? Its when two people pledge themselves to each other and-_

 _Her heart lurched._

 _"What did you just sa-_

 _"Oooh, shiny~!"  
_

 _"Diny, don't you DARE!"_

* * *

 _Killa thrust a dark, pointed finger._

 _The very motion seemed to say:_

 _"There."_

 _Indy's jaw nearly dropped as she followed the lone digit, all the way to the sniffling figure on the sidewalk._

 _"...Diny."_

 _Her sibling blinked, large red eyes fluttering open and shut. She'd tried, countless times, to impress the importances of appearances upon her sister. At least in public. This...this was not that. People were staring, and she could feel her face growing increasingly hot as she watched Diny continue to toy with the paper clip she'd discovered. Diny, as she'd discovered, was near impossible to control when Naruto was absent, but this, it took the cake, ate it, and spat it back out!_

 _"Where did your clothes go?" she asked, twitching. Was she still sulking because of the ring? Was that the reason?_

 _Scarlet orbs flitted up mournfully._

 _"I...lost them."_

 _"HOW DO YOU LOSE SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!"_

 _Diny promptly broke down in tears._

 _"I'm sorry!"_

 _"Gah, there, there..." The elder of the pair groaned, desperately trying to console her sister._

 _"Oh, great spirits preserve me..._

* * *

 _Diny cocked her head considering, ebon tresses bouncing from the motion._

 _Why she was fascinated with it was beyond him, such things were the mysteries of the universe. It was a tiny little Maltese, no bigger than the size of her hand. One look at the shining orbs and he knew she was lost, all but enamored by the tiny little creature._

 _"Mine." she decided at last._

 _Naruto sighed. "Diny, that is a puppy. You cannot have a puppy. You will EAT it when I'm not looking."_

 _"Sugar."_

 _"Ha?"_

 _"Her NAME is Sugar."_

 _"Well, that's very nice, but you can't-_

 _Her glare intensified as she clutched the little ball of fluff to her chest._

 _"MINE."_

 **Ja ne~!**

 **R &R~! =D**


	8. Epilogue

**A/N: ALright, alright, one more! Everyone was begging for an epilogue after last chapter, so here we be! To clarify, the "preview" ya'll saw at the end, as already said, is work from another story revolving soley around Diny and Indy. Also, got some hate on Claire's death. Think about it folks, Naruto plays god because he enjoys messing with shit. He does NOT, however, enjoy seeing the world get screwed over by people who only care about making a quick buck, however.**

 **HUZZAH MY DUCKLINGS HAVE FINALLY HATCHED! Now I have A BUNCH of little baby quackers to take care of and they are so bloody CUTE! So happy right now...**

 **...alright, moment of glee over!**

 **I return again my subjects! THE I's have it! Ya'll are getting another chapter! For any wondering, YES I have seen Jurassic World, and I bloody loved it! Indominus Rex was indeed a bloody clever girl, downright remarkable, really. I found that her death was rather sudden, however, amusing as it was.**

 **And when I saw that there were so very few Naruto crossovers with it and all the INSANITY that takes places throughout, well, the gears in my mind got to turning.** **As another note, this is a sort of prequel to the "Not Going Home" series as a whole, chronicling the adventures of our dimension hopping blond.**

 **Therefore, before reading this, I SERIOUSLY suggest you stop and read that, first before venturing into the silliness that is this crack ficlet.**

 **LET THE NEW ERA BEGIN! Also yes, I've purged another few stories as of this mark. Now...**

 **...off we go! I proudly present another chapter for Clever Girl! Its meant to be short and sweet, so I hope ya like it! AND YES, I take some unabashed shots at Jurassic Park Three, here =D And yes, I strongly believe that there was more than one Spino only Isla Sorna. This story reflects that belief. I also credit the brilliant Muddle Not Fiddle by Evilfuzzy9 for inspiring me to do this. Now...**

 **...for reals this time! Hope ya like it! Its nice and long! And the FEELS! Prepare yourself for the funny's AND feels! Its derpy, funny-full of fourth-wall breaking-silly, not to mention filled with drama at the end and...THE RESULT OF YOUR VOTES!**

 **It makes me a little sad, knowing that this story is coming to a close, for reals this time. So...**

 **...onto the story.**

 _"Charlie bit me!"_

 _"...*snicker*..."_

 _"What? I do not enjoy being bitten!"_

 _~Naruto and Indy~!_

 **Epilogue**

 _Well!_

 _It seems things aren't quite over after all._

 _When I tried to leave, a certain SOMEONE called NEONZANGETSU walked up to me, smacked me in the face, an' told me to SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND FINISH THE STORY. Bastard. I was all set to head out a brand new adventure, but then he decided to tug the leash. I'll have to kick his ass for that, someday. Oh, but if I did that, he'd stop creating universes for me to muck with..._

 _You see, dear reader, truth is, I've been holding out on you in this diary. Just a little. See, there's a bit of the story I DIDN'T tell. Because lets face it; if Indy found out I was writing this last little bit not only would she burn this journal, but she'd burn ME. She's very protective of her private life, after all. And can you blame her? When you grow up as a living lab experiment, you hold onto what you can, no matter the cost._

 _In her case, that's privacy. She's painfully aware that she could've ended up like Diny; blissfully unaware, yet, broken at the same time. I think it frightens her. Not to mention she's pissed to all hell at me for what I've done-what I did, what I continue to DO with every waking breath. I let myself go wild on that island for a reason, let that darkness out to prove a point. I even brought the Joker-whom I rarely associate with unless I'm in a foul mood-out of that cage I slapped him in-out of the multiverse to play._

 _All to prove a point to the world, to terrify them._

 _And by Jove did I make that point._

 _Ingen, what's left of it, won't touch the island with a thousand yard pole, now that everyone's been evacuated. And now, my oh my, all of Ingen's holdings have been bought up by a new company. Hmm...now who has the balls to do such a thing? Do you understand what I'm saying?_

 _I OWN this island._

 _Now, you already know part of this story-we went and dropped an egg mixed with her DNA and mine in the lap of an alternate me, which gave birth to Blue II, or as we just call her, Blue Jr. That's a tale that's still being told. What you don't know is what we did before, during, and AFTER that little escapade. I'm sure many of you are wondering; oi, Naruto, when and WHY the hell did you marry Indy? She's nuttier than a fruitcake! Well, there's a simple answer for that one._

 _Love makes you do crazy things. Terrible, wild, irrevocable things._

 _So..._

 _...I guess this is what happened after those things..._

* * *

 _Claire woke up._

That was her first surprise; that she woke to blackness.

 _'I'm not dead.'_

That was her next.

She lay in her bed, inside her apartment on the island, feeling as if someone had picked her up and slammed her against the wall a few times. Like she'd been shoved through a cheese grater and pieced back together. She groaned, sitting up in the darkness. In the dim light her hands seemed almost unnaturally bright and she ached, she ached, _oh how she ached, her_ head pounding. With a soft moan she sat up further; it made her body feel even worse, but confusion dulled the pain to a slight edge as she sat there, blinking.

"Where...?"

She held her arm up in front of her. It still shook slightly, and she couldn't make it stop.

 _Wait._

Why was she in her bed? The last thing she remembered was...those hands...

Memories came rushing back in a blinding, white wave of agony.

Pain.

Agony.

No air...

...Dying...

...Death.

"I feel sick...

"Hell of a trip, eh? Genjutsu does that to ya."

The brunette started slightly as a voice spoke within the shadows. Peering into the faint morning light she saw a figure leaning on a nearby chair-lounging almost. His face remained hidden, sheltered by shadow. But the voice, she _knew_ that voice. That voice was one of the last things she'd heard.

"You!" it was a yelp.

"Me."

"You killed me!"

"Nope."

Funny how a simple word could take your mind and throw it off the tracks and into oblivion.

"But...I...you...hands...

"You'd best start believing in fiction stories, miss Dearing." came the catcall. "You're in one."

Claire's first and immediate instinct was to scramble backwards, out of the way but a flick of his fingers turned her muscles to stone. She sat there, paralyzed unable to move as he stood. A fine sheen of sweat broke out on her forehead. What was he

"You know," Naruto's voice began, "Its not often that I do something like this, Claire."

"D-Do what...?"

The figure turned, sighing. "Your nephews were very...persuasive. They reminded me who I really am; I'm a good guy. I ain't here just to kill people for shits and giggles." His finger snapped and just like that she found herself able to move again, skittering back and away from the approaching shadow that terrified her so. Somehow, she managed to find the strength to be indignant. Zach! Gray!

"If you hurt them...!"

"Oh, relax. They're sleeping soundly in the next room. Your assistant, too. Death by Mosasaur is a nasty thing. Couldn't have that happening, ya know?"

Claire...didn't think she had an answer to that.

"Lets be clear on something here," the bed creaked slightly as he sat down beside her, blue eyes flashing like chips of diamond. "Clear the air, ya know. That little strangling bit? Real. Indy almost killed you. Being shot? Not so much. Joker was there alright, but mostly to scare the piss out of you. He did his job. You should be thankful I _didn't_ let Indy finish hers." he leaned into the light, and she saw the claw marks on his face, burning a bright, angry red in a savage X upon his visage, his right eye an ugly, blind white. "After all...

...she nearly gouged my eyes out."

Claire couldn't quite find her voice after that.

"Your face...

He laughed, it was a soft bitter sound. "They say ladies love scars. Guess we'll have to see if that's true until they heal." How could he laugh at such a thing? She'd scarred his face! How could ANYONE find disfigurement -their own or otherwise- even remotely funny?! Yet here he was, clapping, chuckling at his own wounds as though they were second nature to him.

...why am I alive?" she asked at last.

"On a whim." came the answer as he leaned away, good eye winking.

"A whim?"

"Yes, a whim." Naruto replied, parroting her happily. "And maybe a chance at redemption. You were complicit in the whole Ingen incident as much as anyone else, but you meant well. Your only mistake was considering my girls to be THINGS not people. A common mistake. So, out of the goodness of my bleeding heart and your adorable nephews, I'm giving you another chance. It should be here any moment now."

Before she could ask what he meant by that, a knock sounded at the door.

Naruto perked up. "Ah, there she is. Come in!"

A crop of messy black hair thrust itself inside the arch, bright red eyes glowing in the dark. Full lips nestled around a soft serve cone, licking strawberry ice cream.

"Pizza?"

"No, Diny." Naruto hummed, "That's ice cream, remember?"

...kay."

For a terrifying instant Claire thought she was looking at Indy, the terrible creature who'd nearly killed-or had she-her only hours ago. But no, the proportions were all wrong; she was taller, more lanky than the wicked woman who'd choked the life out of her. The eyes and hair were different, too. So was the dress, the bright, orange colors nearly painful to look at it. Similar, perhaps, but different all the same.

"Come on in." he called. "Claire won't bite."

Apparently, that was all the encouragement Diny needed. Because; without pause or preamble, she scooted across the wool floor and flopped into the blond's lap, somehow maintaining the sanctity of her snowy treat as she did. She tilted her head to the right and uttered a small, clicking sound with her teeth, to which Naruto began stroking the long mane of her hair moments later. The young woman leaned backwards then, laying her head against his chest, curling into him

White teeth flashed out as she nipped him, a playful, almost loving bite on the neck.

The woman offered a pleased hum of a sigh, arching her shoulders back as his fingers ghosted down her spine. There was something strangely intimate about it, and it made Claire feel as though she were intruding. It made her flush, fidget, look away even.

Finally, those eerie eyes settled upon Claire.

...'llo." she said softly.

"Claire, this Diny." Naruto hummed, pulling the hybrid close. "I believe you've met."

Diny gave her ice cream a deferential lick before leaning forward. She sniffed once, scenting her. Seeing a human doing this was...odd to say the least.

"Is she...Is she one of...

"SHE is the one you experimented on." A lone eye cut to her, scathingly. "Lets see what she has to say." An eternity passed, and it seemed that the hybrid really didn't have anything to say. She pressed a hand to the administrator's face, cupping her cheek. Almost as if she were curious. Studying her. _Is this what humans look like?_ she seemed to be thinking, wondering, pondering. She could see the thoughts churning behind those scarlet eyes like broken gears, cogs in a fractured machine struggling to make a sick sort of sense with it all.

In the end, Diny cocked her head aside. She had only one question.

 _"Why?"_

It broke something inside Claire. Shook something loose.

Why, indeed?

Why had she thought creating a hybrid was a good idea. Why hadn't she refused? It would have been simple; tell Masrani no, that this was a bad idea, terrible idea, horrible idea. He listened to her; she could have tried to steer him onto another path, a safer path...so why hadn't she? Why had run with his suggestions? Created not one, but two monsters? She couldn't find the words, until Diny reached out and took her by the face. Her bright red eyes, so young and innocent, seemed to peer into the very depths of Claire's soul.

"Why?"

Maybe if she had, all those people would still be alive. Owen wouldn't be missing, and...and...

Just like that, the dam broke.

"I'm...sorry." The words tore themselves from her in a sob. "I'm so, so, SO sorry..."

Diny regarded her curiously.

Then she nodded.

The smile that followed reflected no anger, no pain, no grief. Nothing but a pure, simple joy. Slim arms reached forward, pulling the older woman into a stiff, awkward hug. It lasted for all of an instant; then, she pulled away, nodding slowly. All was forgiven.

"Okay."

Claire nearly guffawed, a nervous giggle leaping from her lips in disbelief. "Just like that?" she wiped a dear from her eye, scrubbing it away witht he back of her hand. Relief filled her, rushing through her body in a fiery flood of shock and awe.

Diny grinned. "This is Sparta."

...I'm sorry, what?"

"Just like that. That'd be Diny speak for yes." Naruto hummed, patting the blackette on the head, eliciting a pleased purr from the hybrid. "Diny's simple; she knows what she likes, what she does not, and she lacks the capacity to hate. Life would be so much simpler if the rest of you were like her, wouldn't you agree?"

A hoarse chuckle greeted her. "See? Progress. Now, lets discusss the terms of your second lease at life. This island? He raised an arm, indicating the room, and the window beyond. "Mine. You, my dear girl are going to spend the rest of your life atoning for this, helping me restore order. And when you are done, you will ABANDON this island, leave it to the dinosaurs, and never return. If you break this agreement, I'll be back to finish what she started. So, then, are we good?"

Claire nodded.

Naruto laughed.

"So glad we agreed-

* * *

 _-WE DID NOT AGREE!"_

"Yes, we did." Naruto sighed, pinching his nose some hours later. "She works for me now." Doing so made his scars throb -any wounds inflicted by Indy had always been slow to heal- but he took the pain and shunted it aside, smiling patiently as she wheeled away from him with a furious hiss, tail cracking out, swatting down a lamp. She'd partially shifted in her stress, even now he could see flakes of grey peeling away on her skin, her fingers threatening to curve in deadly, raking claws.

"She's a monster!"

"A misunderstood one." her alpha corrected sharply. "One who feels remorse."

"Humans do NOT feel remorse!"

"Be that the case or not, you WILL respect my decision." He didn't flinch when she rounded on him, flashing her fangs. Her eyes flicked up to the scars, the ugly red marks still crisscrossing his face...

...and she backed down.

Her hackles rose. "You infuriate me!"

"Love you too."

Blue tracked the scene, her dark eyes reflecting nothing.

When she finally spoke, her voice was little more than a dry whisper, a blade slipping free from its sheathe.

...respect the alpha."

Indy snarled. "Silence, beta! Before I silence you myself!"

...just as you silenced Echo and Delta?"

Amber eyes flicked to the forms of the slumbering raptors near what had once been the stairs. Irate, she snorted.

"Shut! Up!"

Blue didn't react to that. A strange of azure hair flicked down across her face and, irritated, she blew it away.

She'd been strangely silent since Naruto had "snapped" her into a human to tend her injuries. The last explosion had broken her arm, and it was nigh impossible to cast it while she was a raptor. A snap of those fingers remedied the situation, but her mind remained predatory despite the temporary loss of limb. Silent. Mute. Though the danger had long since passed her body remained tense. Coiled. Ready to spring at the slightest an' _lightest_ provocation.

With Indy storming across the lobby like a typhoon, that remained a very real possibility.

Charlie had already tried that, mostly out of curiosity if nothing else.

 _"Charlie bit me!"_

Naruto snickered at the memory.

"What? I do not enjoy being bitten!"

Huffing, Indy whirled away, clicking her teeth.

"I HATE you!"

She'd hoped to make him flinch with those words, instead, he just drew closer. When she turned her back to him and stalked away, he followed, placed a hand on her shoulder. So she folded her arms across her bosom and clenched her jaw with a snarl, refusing to let him have his way. She refused to allow it for him, the insufferable bastard! But the silence still held, becoming thick, cloying, and, unlike the alpha, Indy did not possess infinite patience.

Eventually-finally-she turned to face him. Her anger leeched away when she saw his face. Truly saw it, the claws she'd carved into him in a rage. Without thinking she reached up, tenderly touching a hand to his face; a gentle touch, tracing the wounds she'd left him.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," she said at last, mournfully. "You got in the way. I'm," she nearly choked on the word, "S-Sorry for hurting you."

Naruto laughed.

"It's my specialty."

"You must think I'm a monster."

"Would I give a monster this?"

And then he took her hand.

At first Indy thought he was merely holding it, but when he conjured a thin ring out of nothingness, she suspected more. Dropped to a knee. And her heart spiked. By the time he slid that thing onto her finger, she felt as if she were going to faint, scream, and cry all at once.

Indy blinked, admiring the gold band on her finger with some trepidation.

"Why did you give me this ring? I fail to see the purpose of such a device. Why does it go on my finger?" Naruto sighed, rubbing his face. He'd taken to doing that a lot lately. He was still alpha, but there had been a bit of a disconnect between them as of late. Less and less she saw him as father, and more as leader. Commander. Mate. More and more she enjoyed strange things, physical things; things such as sitting near him, letting him massage her shoulders, letting him TOUCH her, wanting to BE touched...

...and yet, when he'd gotten in the way, he had hurt her. Emotionally, and physically.

Yet she didn't want to hurt him back.

Spirits, she felt _regret!_

She didn't understand these urges. They baffled her so.

So did the ring he'd presented her.

"Ugh...you really are lost when it comes to human customs, ain'tcha?" Holding up his own hand, he slid another, matching band onto it. "Look, see? We match. I gave you the ring BECAUSE in human customs, a ring is a sign of marriage. Remember that word? Its when two people pledge themselves to each other and...well, ya know?"

Her heart lurched.

"What did you just say?"

"Marriage. You know, matrimony."

"Meaning?" it was all she could force out through numb lips.

"Meaning, will...marry me."

The words floored her; she physically lost her footing and tumbled to the floor. Then her brain rebooted, and there was only one word left in her mind. But she couldn't bring herself to say it. Not here. Not yet. Instead, in a rare breach of character, she reached up and grabbed the horned blond by the hem of his jacket, dragging him close.

"If you hurt me, I'll hurt you." it was hiss. "Understand?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die." he swore.

"Then my answer is YE-

"Oooh, shiny~!" Diny's head popped up over her shoulder, beaming. "I want a ring, too!"

Indy squawked, holding tight to her hand.

"Diny, don't you DARE!"

Naruto listened for a long moment, then he started laughing.

"Never change guys...never change...

 _In the beginning, I never thought I'd be able to empathize with a dinosaur. And how could I? I thought they were dumb, unthinking unfeeling brutes. Claire's mindset used to be my own; I thought I could just keep one as a pet, not an individual. It never occurred to me before; its so obvious now that I want to slap myself. They're all individuals. We all are. From the lowliest lizard to the mightiest rex upon the land, each animal on this island holds sentience._

 _I once thought I knew it all, everything there was to know._

 _Now I know better. Much better._

 _Why, you ask? Because..._

 _...they're my Clever Girls._

 **A/N: THE RESULTS ARE IN! HAPPY ENDING FOR ALL FOR REAL THIS TIME! THIS CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE! THANK YOU ALL FOR ENJOYING THIS LONG, WONDERFUL RIDE WITH ME! Its over for reals this time!**

 **Aye, this is a short series primarily to show how Naruto both met and "tamed" if you will, Indominus Rex, who will appear later on during his travels. Of course we all know she's a savage beast, but I like to think that she's misunderstood because of her horrible upbringing...just a little...**

 **So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...Review, Would You Kindly? Hope you enjoyed the story! Hope it made ya grin!**

 **Ja ne~!**

 **R &R~! =D**


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